


Bits and Pieces

by Smapdi



Category: The Mindy Project
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-04
Updated: 2015-10-11
Packaged: 2018-02-03 08:32:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 38
Words: 24,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1738079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smapdi/pseuds/Smapdi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As the title suggests, this is a collection of random short stuff, one shots/ficlets, not related. They may be prompt fills or just whatever pops in my head and won't follow any particular timeframe, maybe au, just a catch all really.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Swervin'

It was past 11 pm, Danny had finished his second beer, and he was tucked in with a well worn copy of The Road To Omaha. Just another Saturday night.

Till his phone rang.

He rolled over and retrieved it from the dock - he had proudly managed to set up the alarm as well as the app that made sounds to fall asleep to, though the raindrops one made him melancholy.

It was Richie. Danny was a little surprised, because he knew how Richie spent his weekends, and they talked during the week fairly regularly. Thus, he was also a bit worried.

"Richie? What's up?" He answered. He pulled his head away from the phone because of the din in the background.

"Danny! Danny! Hi! How are you! Oh my god it's so beautiful here!"

Danny hit the speaker button.

"Mindy!?"

"Duh! Danny guess who I ran into here?!? Richie!!"

"Yeah, you're calling from his phone."

Mindy squealed and Danny was pretty sure he might have to replace some glassware.

"OMG he must have my phone! OMG, Danny! I wonder if he has naked pictures on here. His boyfriend is so hot, Danny!"

"I really don't need to think about that, Mindy. How did you run into him?"

"This club, it's next door to the hotel, and OMG! He has _my_ phone! Danny I gotta find him before he looks at my naked pictures!" The call dropped.

Danny really didn't need to think about that, either. But he did. Were they naked pictures of her various conquests, saved for posterity? Or were they... _Stop, Castellano. Stop thinking of naked pictures of Mindy. That's inappropriate._

He read the same sentence over and over before slamming the book shut.

When his phone rang again, he knew it was Mindy from the horrible ringtone she had set up. He couldn't figure out how to remove it, so he had to answer quickly or endure the spelling of bananas in a loud chant.

"Mindy?"

"Danny!! I got my phone back. Ramon had it! Can you believe was have the same pink phone case??"

Yes, he could.

"Glad you got your phone back, Min."

"Danny. Danny."

"Yes?"

"I'm so drunk."

Dammit, he was smiling.

"I can tell, Mindy. Maybe you should call it a night? Don't you have something early tomorrow?"

"I did, but I played wingman for Peter and he's taking my spot in the seminar." She yelled something loud and unintelligible into the crowd. "I can't hear with all these people!"

Danny rolled his eyes. Only Mindy would call from a crowded club and expect them to be quiet for her.

"So Peter took off with this Cuban girl and left me here alone. Well, Richie is here, but he's grinding on Ramon. Graining on that wood, graining, graining on that wood."

"Stop singing! That song is awful."

"Surfboard. Surfboard."

"I'm hanging up."

"OMG Danny there's a hot guy looking at me! Gotta go."

Danny stared at his phone with a frown. Fine. He might as well sleep, he's certainly not going to get through another chapter now.

The room was dark and he was just slipping into that haze of unconsciousness when the phone blared again.

_This shit is bananas! B A N A N A S This sh_

"Mindy? I was asleep."

"Sorry, sorry. That cute guy was a douche canoe! He asked me where my cute friends are. Danny, I am the cute friend!! What the hell??"

"Maybe he meant the boys?"

"Oh... Well that makes sense. His pants had the ass cut out of them."

"Okay, goodnight."

"Danny..." She drew out the word to a long whine.

"Yeah, I'm here. What?"

"Hi."

"Mindy, it's late. Do you need something?"

"Yes."

There was a pause while Danny waited for her to continue, but he just heard the thumping beat and party noises.

"What?" It came out sharper than he meant.

"I wish you were here."

"Yeah, I'll go to the next one, you can deliver Mrs. Tucker's next set of twins."

"That's not what I meant. I meant I wish you were here _with me._ "

Danny swallowed the lump in his throat. Suddenly he wished he was, too.

"Mindy, you're drunk. Go back to the hotel and sleep it off."

"Danny. Did I ever tell you you're a really good dancer?"

"Yeah, you did. At least once."

"You are though. I mean... You look really hot when you're dancing, Danny."

It made no sense to blush in a dark room thousands of miles away, but his face got warm regardless.

"Go to bed, Mindy."

She laughed low. Suddenly he could hear her a lot clearer - she had moved away from the noise.

"I'm going, Danny. Geez. Would you be rushing me off to bed if you were here?"

She didn't mean it the way it sounded, he's sure. She's drunk and silly.

"You wouldn't be that drunk if I was there." He replied lamely.

"I didn't ask you that." She still had that low timbre to her normally squeaky voice and it hit him right in the shorts. Jesus.

"Mindy, you're not going to remember this conversation in the morning. Make sure you set your alarm so you don't miss breakfast."

"I never miss breakfast."

"I know. Are you at the hotel yet?"

"Yeah, I'm probably going to lose you in the elevator. Goodnight, Danny."

He sighed in relief. "Goodnight, Min. See you Monday."

"Okay. And Danny?"

"Hmmm?"

"I'm not _that_ drunk, and if you were here, I'd be swerving on that..."

Danny stared at the phone for five minutes. He just didn't want her to wake him again. That's all.

It was well after midnight before he could finally sleep.


	2. Work It, Girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set during Danny Castellano Is My Personal Trainer - While working out with Mindy, Danny has to leave for a delivery and she gets some attention from his gym rat buddies.

"Okay Mindy. Two more. Come on. Put your back into it! You can do this!"

Danny's relentless goading is interrupted by the unmistakable sound of his pager, and Mindy drops to the ground, temporarily relieved. 

"Sorry, Min. Gotta go to the hospital." He's already on his feet, tugging his sweatshirt out from under her where she had balled it up to act as a makeshift pillow. 

A wave of panic washes over her. It's the first time Mindy's made it to the gym in three days, and she has just under two weeks left before she has to wear a gum wrapper and postage stamp sized bikini in front of her man. Parts of her that she wants firm still jiggle, and there's insufficient daylight between her thighs. He can't just leave her now, when they've barely started a workout. 

She says this all to him in a run on sentence with her hands gripping the sweatshirt, as if that will keep him there. 

"Okay, I'll just ask Mrs. Glover to hold the baby in for what, is an hour good?" 

"Yes, that would be fine. I'm sure she has really good Kegels." 

Danny snorts and walks toward the locker. 

"Danny! You can't... well, shit." She's fully aware that she's being ridiculous, that her life is composed of interruptions due to her career choice, and deep down she doesn't really think two weeks is going to buy her rock hard abs and those little dents on her hips that P!nk has... but still. 

Mindy is contemplating her navel and trying to decide whether to try and keep working out without her 'coach' or just give in and grab some sushi when she sees a large, muscular man approaching. She looks up curiously and he stops short with a bashful smile. 

"I'm so sorry, but. I'm dying to know. Which one of Danny's girls are you?" 

"Excuse me?" She must have heard him wrong. "Danny's girls?"

He kneels down beside her and puts a big, sweaty paw on her arm. 

"I love that top. Aubergne is my color too. I'm Garrett." 

Mindy extends her free hand and Garrett shakes it with a grin. "I'm Mindy. What do you mean, Danny's girls?" 

Garrett's eyes light up. "Oh, I was hoping! I couldn't imagine he'd bring the bitchy ex or the crazy neighbor here. So you're the hot doctor!"

There's a heavy pause while she absorbs the words. When she speaks again, her voice is low and questioning. "Danny called me hot?"

A mischievous grin spreads across the burly man's face. "Danny has called you a lot of things." He stands back up, taking her with him. "Kevin! Luis! Come meet Little D's doctor friend!"

"Little D?" Mindy feels like she must be on a prank show - it was too surreal. The other men join and shake her hand, cooing over her like she's about to take the stage to represent her district. 

"Just what exactly has Danny said about me?" Her shock gives way to unbridled curiosity. Besides the fact that she is more certain than ever that Danny belongs to a primarily gay gym, she can really not believe he had discussed her with these guys. "I just work with Danny, you know. I have a boyfriend. Danny is just helping me get in shape."

The men exchange knowing glances. "Okay, I just meant we hear about you all the time."

Mindy is still hopelessly confused. "Seriously? Danny talks to you about me? That's so... that's not like him. At all." 

"Oh, honey," Luis sighs as he strokes her hair enviously. "All I know is Danny never used to talk to any of us. And we didn't exactly go out of our way to talk to him. I mean, he's cute but so grumpy!" The trio laughs in unison. 

"But he brought his baby brother one time, and we realized he wasn't a hater, he was just a little shy." Red haired Kevin gets a little flushed at the memory. "His brother is gorgeous too. Have you met him? Of course you have."

Mindy rarely has the chance to be the quietest one in the group, and they are all talking so fast she has to shout to be heard. "Hey. Hey! HEY!" When they quiet and look at her balefully, she continues. "Can one of you guys at least, like, spot me or something? I really need to get a workout going here."

With that they are instantly contrite and jump into action, each one coaching her through a routine as they regale her with stories about Danny. Soon she is sweating and panting and laughing her ass off and eventually has to stop them so she can rest, because put together they are far more demanding drill sergeants than Danny has ever been. 

"Okay, I know all about how competitive Danny is," Mindy laughs as the boys describe his participation in a push-up contest. "But what was the shirt prank?"

Luis collapses in giggles as Garrett tells the story of how they had tired of seeing Danny wear the same black t-shirt every day, so Luis had bought a dozen of the same shirt and systematically shrunk them down, replacing them with successively smaller shirts when Danny went to shower. 

"By the time a week passed he started acting funny, walking around with this shirt that was all tight. We asked him if maybe he wanted to tell us something, was it just his brother that was gay, and he got all flustered!" 

"Do you think I look bigger? This shirt fit fine this morning!" Luis cackles. 

Garrett continues. "Finally he comes in and Luis put in the tiniest one and he just lost it. He comes out and it's barely fitting, like his whole belly was out, and he says what the fuck?? And we all just busted out laughing."

"His face! He turned bright red! You guys have been fucking with me, he shouted!" Luis is crimson with laughter himself. "Aw, but he was a good sport once he figured it out."

Mindy is curled over, holding her stomach as she cries in laughter. "How did I never hear this story before?"

"I guess he doesn't tell you everything, sugar."

"Okay, enough about Danny. What did he tell you about me??" She is dying to know. It isn't often that she gets a chance to hear about Danny's life outside the office, but somehow, it seems an even rarer treat to hear his unfiltered opinion of her. 

She is met with grimaces and shakes of heads and is instantly horrified to think that Danny had been saying bad things about her. She had just assumed...

Kevin speaks up. "Baby, no offense, but..." He glances at the other men for backup. "We don't really listen when he talks about you."

"I'm sure it's good!" Luis pipes up earnestly. "Mindy this, Mindy that, Mindy told me blah blah blah... Girl, we just tune him out."

Mindy sits in stunned silence. That was definitely not like Danny, but she has no doubt that the guys were telling her the truth. She really couldn't pinpoint her feelings on it. 

Fortunately, she doesn't have a chance to dwell, as Danny walks back into the gym looking for her. 

"Hey, there you are," he mutters. "Hey guys. You, uh, you met Mindy?"

The men disperse, smiling and slapping Danny on the back, though Garrett's aim is off and he smacks him on the ass instead. 

"Hey, Danny. What happened to your delivery?" She isn't sure why it feels so awkward to look him in the eye. 

"False alarm. You know how first time moms can be..." He grins and squats down next to her as she sits on the bench. "You look sweaty."

"Uh, yeah, no thanks to you. You didn't have to come back. Your friends were very helpful." 

"Okay, good. Sorry for ditching you." Danny stands and holds out his hand to help her up. She glances at his black tee shirt. 

"No worries, Little D." Mindy smiles up at him, taking his hand and standing. 

His face slowly turns red and he looks away. "Those guys... I'm gonna kill you!" He shouts, flustered. 

"Settle down, geez." Mindy places a hand on his bicep, giving it just a brief squeeze. "Don't get all worked up, you're going to bust out of your shirt." 

She leaves him fuming and runs off to the locker room, still laughing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was another genius prompt from Calliope_Soars. As always, hope I did it justice.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt from dagaptoothedbetch on Tumblr: Danny and mindy have been together 6 months. They get crazy busy with back to back deliveries and they haven't been able to spend more than five mins alone for a week. Danny becomes really grumpy until they finally get a sweet moment together (right before one of their pagers go off)

"Danny! You stayed!"

The sleepy man unfurls from the couch in the doctors lounge. “Hey, gorgeous.”

"Hey, yourself. Why didn’t you go home and get some sleep? You know this thing ruins your back."

"I know," he sighs, pressing his palms to the small of his back as he stretches. Mindy sits next to him and rubs his shoulders. "I just haven’t gotten to see you all day." He leans over and gives her a kiss on the comer of her mouth.

"It’s been crazy. But it’s November, all those Valentines babies want to be born! It should settle down soon." She strokes her fingers through his hair, cupping his stubbly chin with the other hand. "You look exhausted."

Danny smiles and rests his forehead against hers. “I’m a little tired. Can you come home?”

Mindy’s stomach tightens in a little knot when she hears him say home. They have only “officially” lived together a few weeks, though it’s been borderline for months. She still gets a funny, tiny thrill from the thought.

"Diane Truman is here with pre-eclampsia and I don’t want to leave until there’s another OB available. Peter’s coming in at 6 so I should be able to go then."

"Yeah, I’ve got rounds at 7 so we’ll probably pass each other again. Dammit. We need to talk about Thanksgiving."

"We will, but I need you to go get some rest. You can’t teach if you’re falling asleep."

Since Danny had accepted a position of Director of Obstetrics at the hospital, it had reduced their time together even further, but it gave him a chance to help stamp his mark on up and coming residents, plus he got to be in control somewhere since he rarely was at home or the practice.

Danny rolls his eyes and kisses her again, square on the mouth, slipping her a bit of tongue to let her know what she’s missing.

Mindy wraps an arm around his neck and nibbles his upper lip before shoving him away. “Go!”

"I’m going! I love you."

"I love you too."

—-

"Babe? You still awake?"

The light is on, but Danny is snoring, his glasses slipped down on his nose and his novel resting on his chest. He stirs when he hears her voice.

"Oh, sorry to wake you. The light was on…"

"It’s okay. I thought you’d be home sooner so I was just gonna read…"

" Yeah, I got stuck in a three way with these nurses…"

Danny blinks, his eyes widening.

"Not THAT kind of three way, you perv. God, you’re a dirty old man."

"What other kind of three way is there?" His voice is several octaves higher than usual.

"I had to help catheter a patient, dork. Anyway, I didn’t want to text and wake you, and I woke you anyway, so I guess I should have texted…" Mindy is talking while she disrobes, disappearing into the bathroom and returning in a t-shirt, one of Danny’s old ones. She sleeps in those more than anything else, especially if he isn’t home, so she can still smell him.

"I made dinner, but…"

"I know, I saw it in the fridge. I got a pizza. You can have some for breakfast?" Crawling in the covers, she snuggles up, her cold feet seeking his warm ones.

"That’s ok, I have chicken piccata for breakfast."

"Are you mad? I thought you knew I wouldn’t make it home for dinner when I called you in the afternoon. It will get eaten, Daniel."

"No, I’m not mad. I just thought it would be nice for once. I’m sick of eating frozen crap and vending machine snacks. Aren’t you?"

She smiles quizzically.

"Of course you’re not. Look, I know we’re both busy. It just seems like we saw each other more before we were together!"  
Mindy grins. “But not naked!”

"Well, sometimes. But seriously, I’ve been missing you to the office and the hospital. We just can’t get in sync and, well, I miss you."

"I miss you too. But we have the holidays coming!"

"Yeah, and I need to know, did you talk to your parents? Are we gonna go there?"

"They’re going out of town, actually, and Rishi doesn’t want to come out. What about your mom and Rich?"

"Do you want to go there for Thanksgiving and Christmas? Because we definitely have to do Christmas. Ma would never forgive us if we didn’t."

"If that’s what you want, it’s fine with me."

Danny reaches over and takes her tiny hands in his. “I don’t know, I was thinking maybe it would be nice to start our own tradition. Just you and me for Thanksgiving.”

A soft smile spreads over Mindy’s face. “Really? That sounds… it sounds pretty damn nice.”

His thumbs move in circles as he holds her hands, and he releases one to push the hair off her face and stroke her cheek. “We can just hang out… I’ll cook a turkey, we can just relax and catch up… Just be together. You’re what I’m most thankful for, you know that?”

"Oh." Mindy moves to kiss him. "You’re just the sweetest thing, you little shit. I love you so much."

He laughs against her mouth. “You have such a way with words, Min”

"I know! It’s my gift."

Danny’s hand roams and rests somewhere south of her waist. “It’s not your only gift.”

"Hey!"

An insistent buzzing breaks through the kissing haze and Danny realizes his pager is going off.

"Shit. It’s Mrs. Simmons. Looks like an emergency, hon."

"Okay, go, take care of your patient. I’ll be here when you get back. And if not… Thanksgiving."

"Right, that is this week, isn’t it? Time flies when you’re…"

"Go, you goober. I need my beauty sleep, anyway."

Danny stands to go get dressed and stops for a moment to look at her. “Okay, sleeping beauty, I’ll try to make it home to make you pancakes.”

"Mmmm…" She moans as she fluffs the covers and settles in. "Waffles."

"Waffles it is." He leaves a kiss on her forehead.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt from Gloriagilbertpatch on Tumblr: "That...was not the word I meant to say."

He’s taken off his jacket, but it’s still too hot in the cramped, economy class cabin, and he can feel the pinpricks of sweat on his brow. It’s dark and most of the passengers are sleeping, but they’re both bathed in the glow of Mindy’s laptop as she writes - well, HE writes - this masterpiece of an apology in an email to Cliff.

She types slow, and keeps miskeying things, so he has to repeat himself a few times as he dictates to her all these raw emotions under the guise of being helpful. She stares at the screen and he stares at her, looking away as she finishes each sentence, afraid to meet her eyes.

"Okay, say that last part again?" She asks him, fingers ready.

He says it slowly, but not carefully. “You know you’re right for someone when she forces you to be the best version of yourself.”

She’s tapping the keys as her brain processes the words, not the sentence, until she hits the word he didn’t realize he had said.

"She?"

Shit. Shit, shit.

"That, uh, that was not the word I meant to say. They. I meant they." It’s unconvincing with the stammering.

Mindy smiles curiously and turns to him. His eyes dart from hers to the screen and back, willing her to go back to the typing.

"Who is this she, Danny? She sounds wonderful. Do I know her?" There’s mirth in her voice and in her eyes, at least until he stops looking away. Then something clicks and her smile falters. "Danny?"

His mouth opens, and in his head he’s got a snappy, deceptive comeback, and he just needs to make the snarky remark that will wipe that look of dawning realization from her face. He swallows, but his mouth is too dry and the words are caught in a thick lump, and his fingers are going to snap if he grips the armrest any tighter. Fight or flight kicks in.

"I need some water." It’s high pitched and strangled, but it’s an actual sentence, so he considers it a success as he makes his way to the back. 

There’s an array of bottles and cans in the fluorescent, greenish lighting of the galley, and he paws them and looks with unfocused eyes. Tonic water, that’s what he needs to wash back the rising bile in his throat. A shudder of turbulence rocks the plane and his knees feel like they’re going to buckle. He grabs the counter and hangs on even after the shaking stops.

"Hey."

Danny looks up and Mindy is there, coming at him, and he blinks once to convince himself it’s not a mirage, she really is wrapping her arms around his neck, and then his eyes close as she presses her lips to his. He’s not even sure he kissed her back when she pulls away, and her eyes are questioning, and even though he isn’t sure what the answer is, he feels his face pulling into a grin. Then she smiles too, and then neither of them do, it’s just a desperate flurry of hands and mouths and soft sighs, and he drops the water on the floor, but it’s okay. She’s quenched his thirst.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr prompt from Gloriagilbertpatch - based on the deleted scene from Bunkbed.

"Hey, if I’ve got something to say, I’m gonna say it."

Well, that’s certainly true, Mindy thinks, as Danny putters around looking at her framed photos and making tiny but distinct changes in his expression. It’s disarming, really, to have him show such interest - any interest, really - in her life. They’ve known each other for years now and any information he has about her was provided by Mindy herself, without prompting. He doesn’t ask about her life, and he certainly doesn’t poke around her apartment.

And now he is, and she’s at a loss.

"Why do you have so many moisturizers?" Danny asks, peering at the array of beauty products in her bathroom. She takes a moment to explain the basics of skincare, all the while wondering how he even recognized the products as moisturizer, before remembering he did live with a woman once and she must have used something. Still, it’s alien to her, and even more strange when he tells her that her explanation is interesting. It’s not interesting at all. But he’s looking at her like something is interesting, and she’s sure it’s not her skincare regimen.

Then he shoulders past her and walks into her bedroom. Walks isn’t the right word. He swaggers into her bedroom.

Mindy is compelled to tidy as he surveys her private domain, first testing the mattress firmness with his hands, making it bounce, and then sitting on it. And he’s not sitting on it in the casual way someone does when they need to rest their ass. No, he’s sprawling back on it, propped up on an elbow, playing with Inky the Octopus, who was worth about $11 but she thinks he’s devalued with this economy. Danny tosses it away and then he has nothing to distract him.

Nothing but her.

He looks at her. She looks at him. He’s entirely too comfortable there, and she’s entirely uncomfortable, because he’s looking at her like he wants her to join him. And it’s all the worse because it’s a huge temptation. There’s no question she’s attracted to him - she has been since they met - but that doesn’t mean she ever thought she’d act on it. But he’s never looked at her like this, the way Mindy looks at bearclaws, like a delicious treat the he wants to devour.

"This is weird, Danny," she says, a little panicky, waving a hand and trying not to look at his crotch, but it’s right there, as if on display. This feels like the start of a bad porno movie, and if there’s one thing Mindy knows, it’s that bad porno movies always end with a bang.

"Okay." He starts to get up, but he reaches for her hand instead and pulls her down with him.

It gets weirder almost immediately, and then it gets better. Much, much better.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt from Grelca on Tumblr: post-tgnd, drunk danny, "you get to decide, but i think you need all the facts. i'm in love with you."

It’s not that she’s in a hurry to go home. She’s just in a hurry to leave.

Mindy didn’t bring much to the apartment, at least not in comparison to what she would take on a trip out of town. She knew it was a bad idea to try moving in next to Danny, and she did it anyway, but she prepared herself for the inevitable. So it was easy to pack up, a few changes of clothes, toiletries, nothing more. She proved it was a mistake, or really, Danny did, when he tried to kiss her yesterday. It was just the kick in the pants she needed to go back to her own place, where the ghosts of her failed relationships still haunted, but not quite as often.

Everything was ready to go, including Mindy. She just had to give Danny back his keys and that would end it, end them, once and for all. She knew she had to do it. She just didn’t realize how much it hurt.

He’s slow to answer the door, and though it’s not even 5 pm, he’s clearly been drinking for a while. Danny’s eyes are red and glazed, and she can smell the bourbon on his breath. If he’s not completely shitfaced now, she knows he will be before long.  
"I’m going home," she says quietly. He just nods.

It would be so easy to just give him the keys and bail. She just has two suitcases, and she can wrangle them into the elevator and throw them in a cab. There’s no reason to hesitate. This should be done quickly, like pulling off a band-aid.

But fuck her if she doesn’t still love him.

When Danny reaches for the keys, his fingers brush her skin, and she can’t control the shiver. He has the most lovely hands, so elegant, and she often thought he should have been a real pianist or an artist or even a brain surgeon. He used those fingers on her skin so skillfully it made her want to cry, and even now, she longed to take his hands in her own, kiss his fingertips, feel them on her face, her body.

But he didn’t want her, not really. Mindy didn’t know what he wanted, only that he was clearly too much of a mess to make it right.

And still she waits, clutching the handle of her rolling case, anticipating the chance to come inside and… what? She doesn’t know what she wants either.

Danny shoves the keys in the front pocket of his jeans and looks up at her. He’s confused, not knowing why she’s still standing in his doorway, but he makes no move to either shut her out or let her in. Mindy sighs and bites a lip. “Can I come in?”

"Why?" He blurts out.

"So I can talk to you? Explain? I don’t know, Danny." She sighs, thinking maybe this is a worse mistake than moving here in the first place. He just shrugs and steps aside so she can drag her bags in.

"What do you want me to say, Min? I already apologized." Danny turns and heads back to the kitchen, where his bourbon is sitting on the counter and there are no glasses. He makes no pretense, just grabs it and takes a slug, then offers it to her. She declines.

"I don’t want you to say anything, Danny. I just… I need to figure out a way that we can fix this, at least a little. I need you in my life too."

Danny just stares at the bottle, his fingers wrapped around the neck. She thinks he’s never going to respond and she closes her eyes, willing the pain to go away. She’s been doing that for months and nothing - wine, cheese, Beyoncé - nothing has worked.  
"I get it, Min. I understand."

Mindy opens her eyes and furrows her brow, because if he understands and she doesn’t, there’s something she’s missed. 

“What?”

"I’ve been an idiot. I’ve ruined things. I know. It’s just…" Danny takes another slug from the bottle that is now dangerously near empty, and she wonders how full it was when he started. When he looks at her, the hurt in his eyes makes her knees feel like they’re going to buckle.

He moves towards her and she’s afraid that he’s going to touch her and she’s terrified that he won’t. He stops mere inches from her and his gaze is piercing.

"Danny, you don’t have to…"

"Stop. Mindy, if I don’t say this now, I might never say it, and I’ll never forgive myself."

She’s holding her breath, and his eyes suddenly begin to glisten with unshed tears.

"I’m a fucking fool and a coward to have to drink myself to damn near oblivion to finally find the words. But you said you get to decide, Min, and you’re right."

Maybe he hasn’t had as much to drink as she thought, because his words are sharp and clear, even though his eyes are glassy. He grabs her wrist, not to keep her in place as much as to steady himself.

"I just… you should know everything before you decide. I haven’t been honest, and it’s killing me." Danny takes a deep breath and suddenly Mindy feels like the one who’s drunk. She can’t tear her eyes away from his and she feels the sting of tears.

"It’s okay." She stumbles on the words. He shakes his head vehemently.

"No, it’s not. It’s not okay, what I did to you, to us. It’s not okay. And I don’t expect this to change anything, but I can’t go on without saying it. Mindy, I love you. I love you."

She’s frozen, his fingers on her wrist the only warmth. She doesn’t know what it means, or if he’s just so drunk he’s losing it, but her heart is racing and she loves him back and it can’t end here. It can’t.

"Danny, I… It changes everything."

Mindy reaches for him, her sob breaking the surface just as his does, and her lips meet his as her pulse pounds in her ears. Even if the world crashes around them, she can’t wait another minute. She’s decided.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt from Tumblr: Danny trying to prove Mindy what hell of a kisser he is. Pre relationship.

Danny spies her curled up on the sofa and he tiptoes past, hoping she’s so engrossed in whatever cheeseball movie she’s watching that she won’t notice him at the vending machine. But his chips make a clunk when they hit and she pops her head up.

"Danny! Come watch this with me!"

"Nah, I’m waiting on a page, got twins to deliver. Just needed sustenance." He waves his chips at her in an attempt to beg off.

"Wait here!" Mindy beams at him and pats the cushion, so he suppresses a sigh and joins her. He’s trying to be a more tolerant person and 90% of it is directed at her, because nobody else pushes his buttons in quite the same way.

"What is this? Are they in high school? Mindy, this movie is for teenagers."

She makes a face of mock outrage and crosses her arms dramatically. “Danny, they might be kids, but this movie is for everyone with a heart. It’s an undersung 80’s classic and I will not have you speak ill of it!”

Danny just grins and shakes his head. “Sorry, sorry. So what’s it about?”

Mindy begins to wax poetic. “Okay, so there’s this boy, and he’s from the wrong side of the tracks, and he’s crushing on this rich girl, Danny, you can probably relate to that, right?”

He snorts and gestures for her to continue. “Okay and she has this nasty boyfriend and they break up so now she’s available and our hero asks her out…”

"I think I got it, Min. Romeo and Juliet type stuff, two different worlds, but they have a happy ending. Don’t gotta watch the movie."

"Ah, but you’re wrong, Danny! See, that’s Watts, she’s the tomboyish best friend who secretly loves him. Watch, this is the best scene, she’s gonna help him with his date by making sure he can deliver the kiss that kills."

"Oh brother. Like a teenage girl would know from kissing."

"Shhhh!" Mindy sits enraptured watching the screen until the couple parts and the scene ends. "They’re so adorable! I think that’s the part where he realizes he loves her. She just doesn’t find out till the end."

"Yeah, okay. I still think it’s far fetched. She’s a fifteen year old, she’s only kissed her hand."

"Hey, don’t knock it, buddy. That’s how girls hone their technique. What do boys do? They just mack on a girl and slobber all over till someone points out the right way to do it."

"Well, nobody ever had to teach me. Guess I’m a natural." Danny grins and stretches his hands out in front of him, linking his fingers and cracking the knuckles.

It’s Mindy’s turn to snort. “Sure, buddy. Just keep telling yourself that.”

Danny turns and frowns. “What are you talking about?”

"I’m just saying, if you’ve never gotten any feedback, you’re probably still kissing like a horned up teen. Look at you, with your big old lips - you’re probably one of those guys who kiss like a golden retriever, all sloppy and wet."

"I do not! I’ve never heard any complaints. I know how to get it done."

"Sure it’s not just that nobody had the nerve to tell you how you could improve?"

"I’m sure." Danny crosses his arms firmly and scowls at her.

"Okay, great. I’m sure you’re fine." Mindy shrugs.

"I’m not fine. I’m great."

"Okay, good for you, makes no difference to m…"

She’s looking at him with a skeptical expression as she speaks, and Danny can’t stand it, so he takes her face into his hands and presses his mouth against hers. Within seconds she is responding and he takes this as encouragement. He runs his tongue across her lips until they open and then he licks into her mouth, soft at first and them with more pressure, pulling back and nipping at her lips, until she makes a noise like she’s coming apart. And then Danny releases her and smirks.

Mindy’s eyes are like saucers and her jaw is slack, closing only as she brings her hand up and presses two fingers against her now swollen lips. She can’t decide what is more shocking; that Danny - DANNY - just kissed the everloving shit out of her, or that she kinda wants him to do it again. She says the first thing that comes to mind.

"Hot damn."

Danny’s grin is splitting his face now. “That I’ve heard before,” he gloats.

"Yeah, you’re… you’re good. You’re good." She’s having a little trouble gathering her thoughts.

He looks like he’s about to lean in and prove himself to her again, when a buzz in his pocket breaks the tension. Danny fishes it out of his pocket and gets up, still smiling at her.

Mindy is struck dumb, staring back at him like he’s an alien. Danny can’t resist a parting shot and leans back in, tucking her hair behind her ear as his lips graze her ear, his breath hot on her skin.

"Now just imagine what else I’m that good at."

It’s a thought that keeps her up that night.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fic for Grelca on Tumblr, because she asked.

"Min? What am I looking at?"

"Is this 20 questions, Danny? Is it bigger than a breadbox?" Mindy calls out from the bathroom as she brushes her teeth.

"Considerably."

"Okay, I give up." The sound of spitting and rinsing follows and Mindy emerges to join Danny on the bed. "Hey, give me that! What are you doing?"

Danny has her laptop and yanks it out of her reach.

"Not until you explain what this is." He turns it to show her the image on the screen.

"Um, I think you should know what that it, hello."

"I know what it is, I just don’t… get it. Why are you in this website?"

"It’s not a WEBSITE, Danny. It’s Tumblr. That’s the dashboard to the blogs I follow."

Danny stares at her. “Can you translate that please?”

"Ugh, why are you even looking?"

"I just wanted to know what it is that has you on this thing all the time. I didn’t expect to see this gyrating half nude woman. I’m not complaining…"

"That’s not just a half nude woman, that’s Nikki Minaj from her new video, and she’s sending a message of body acceptance."

"Okay. I accept."

"Shut UP, Danny. Give me my laptop."

"Wait, what is all this stuff? I know you text me these pictures sometimes but I couldn’t figure out how they move."

"Danny, I’m not giving you a lesson on using a computer right now. Go sign up for those senior classes at the Learning Tree." She tugs the laptop back, quickly refreshes and closes it.

Danny sighs, his red glasses slipping down his nose a little.

"You can’t even tell me about those pictures? So I can text them back to you?"

"I will teach you about those another time, Daniel." She reaches up and unsnaps the glasses, slipping them off his neck as she gently flings a leg across him and crawls on top. "In the mean time, have you seen the latest True Blood?"


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt from Grelca on Tumblr: teeth and lips and tongue.

The tension is thick and suffocating.

Dinner was light and fun, full of laughing and flirting and loaded gazes, but now they’re both hesitant. The cab ride to Mindy’s was quiet, and they barely touched or looked at each other, but Mindy never stopped smiling her shy smile and Danny never stopped sweating.

Their arms bumped in the elevator and they made brief eye contact and Danny’s pulse started to race. Now they’re in her kitchen and she’s slipping off her shoes, the ones she made him go back into the stairwell for while she waited in the lobby. She’s fiddling with her coat, not looking at him, and he’s leaning against the counter and he doesn’t know what the hell to do now.

"Do you want some water?" Mindy doesn’t wait for his reply and pulls a couple of bottles from the fridge and presses one into his hands. She tips her head back and drinks, and Danny watches her throat as she swallows and it’s too much. He breaks.

"Bottled water? What a waste of money. This is the same as tap water, they just throw some fancy packaging…"

"Oh, thank God," She sighs and tosses the bottle aside so her hands are free and she can take his face in them and quiet him with her mouth. His bottle lands on the floor.

Mindy’s kisses simultaneously relax him and wind him up even more, and he nips at her hungrily with his lips, sucking her bottom lip into his mouth and swallowing her gasp. She’s got both hands on Danny’s ass now, pulling him closer as her back hits the fridge and rattles it hard.

He growls low in his throat and drags his mouth from hers, down her jaw to her neck where he’s kissing and catching her skin in his teeth and she whimpers. Danny is making his way to the hollow of her throat and he can feel her heart beating like hummingbird wings against his lips. When he moves back up, he can’t help but dart out his tongue, dragging up the hot salty skin of her throat, and he can feel the rumble as she moans. He’s just about to reach her lips again when she stops him, her hands on his chest, and he takes a step back.

Shit. Danny is paralyzed for a second, his eyes searching her face. He can’t fuck this up again. He feels like this thing between them is as fragile as blown glass, and he’s already cracked it. If he moves wrong it will shatter, and he’s terrified. He can’t breathe.

Mindy takes his hand and squeezes, moving away, tugging.

"Bedroom."

Danny just blinks at her, immobile.

"Yeah?" Is all he can say. He wants to be sure. He needs to be sure.

Her lips twist and she says it all with one word, full of affection and amusement and anticipation.

"Yeah."


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written as a birthday gift for Nakedmonkey on Tumblr - written before "It Slipped" aired but after promos.

"Come on, Danny. It won’t kill you. It might get me a lot drunker, but that might work out."

"That’s a game teenagers play. What’s wrong with Boggle?"

"Perfect start." Mindy pours two shots of tequila, pushing one across the table to Danny. "Never have I ever played Boggle." 

Danny closes his eyes and exhales through his nose over-dramatically. “Fine!” He downs the shot, smacks his lips and gives Mindy side eye. 

"So I say something I’ve never done, and if you’ve done it, you drink." 

"Right. But if I haven’t, you drink. It’s better when there are more people." She tips another shot into his glass. 

"Okay then. Never have I ever been in a three-way."

There’s a moment of tension before Mindy picks up her glass. “Dammit, Castellano!” 

"Really?" Danny’s eyes nearly pop out of his head. 

"It wasn’t sex!" She’s quick to clarify. "But technically, a three-way kiss is still a three-way."

"Wow. Okay." He leans back with a grin. "So, two girls or two guys?" 

Mindy shakes her head. “No guys.”

"Shut UP!" 

"It was college! Med school, really. But we were playing a drinking game, and stuff happens when you play drinking games."

"It had better." Danny smirks. 

"Oh, like you’re so neglected otherwise. My turn. Never have I ever been tied up."

Danny drinks without hesitation. “My turn.”

"Wait, wait, aren’t you going to tell me about it?"

"Where’s that in the rules?" 

"It’s not, but hey, fair's fair. I didn’t have to tell you about Lisa and Wendy." 

"Wendy? In med school? Wendy Mendoza?" 

"Yes, so?"

"Huh." Danny smiles at her smugly. 

"What about Wendy Mendoza?" Mindy pinches his arm hard. 

"Ow! Hey. It’s just funny, your "never" was about Wendy, and so was mine."

"WENDY TIED YOU UP?" She shrieks. 

"Ssshhhh, God. You’ll wake the neighbors. Yes, Wendy and I had a little fling."

Mindy is fuming. “That bitch.”

"It was a long time ago, relax." Danny reaches for her hand and laces his fingers in hers. "It wasn’t really any fun. I’d rather tie you up." 

"Oh, I bet. Damn, Wendy. She didn’t kiss like a girl who who was into bondage. With a guy, that is."

"I could hear more about how she kissed you…"

"Shut up and take your turn." Mindy yanks her hand free and pours more shots. 

"Fine. Never have I ever had sex at the beach."

"Me neither. Drink up."

Danny shrugs and throws back the shot. “How is this getting you more drunk? I’m the one drinking everything.”

"Not my fault I don’t want sand in my crack. So, there’s an easy one. Never have I ever done anal."

"You’re cheating."

"That didn’t count. You can’t say you’ve been in the Vatican if you’ve only knocked on the door."

Danny flinches. “Why do you have to bring the Frank into this?”

Mindy smiles with satisfaction as Danny drinks again. 

"You know, Danny, this game isn’t never will I ever…"


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr prompt from Gloriagilbertpatch: Slightly drunken post-wedding hotel room (sex?). Could be their wedding if you like but someone else’s might be even better.

"Danny, God damn it, this motel is going to give me crabs." Mindy stood in the tiny, dingy room with a look of distaste. The stop wasn’t planned. Someone had neglected to fill the tank and they were lucky to run out of gas in a place that had available rooms at midnight. 

"Mindy. It’s a perfectly clean motel. Not every place has to be the god damned Hilton!" Danny slammed his keys on the table and grimaced. 

"Oh no, your mother told me. If I find one pube, it’s crab city." She gingerly plucked at the bedspread. 

"Sleep with your underwear on then."

"Okay, A. That’s just gross, the queen needs to breathe. And B. How are we going to bang it out if I keep my underwear on?"

"I didn’t realize it was a foregone conclusion that we were gonna bang it out."

"Duh, Danny. Gross motel sex is the hottest." Mindy sat in the single, stiff chair and slipped off her heels, rubbing her feet and grunting. 

"How would you know? Your highness won’t stay in a place like this."

"Look, I read it in Cosmo."

"Well, just do that thing where you, you know…" Danny gestured awkwardly with his hands, flipping them and pointing at his crotch. 

"What? I don’t speak sign language. is that a dolphin?"

"No! Like, move it."

"That doesn’t work, it just pinches me and gets everything sticky."

"Then I don’t know, just blow me!" 

"What’s in that for me?" 

"You’re the one who insists we have to have sex. Do you want to go do it in the car?" 

"No I do not want to go do it in the car. I want to do it on a pillow top mattress in the penthouse suite of the Raddison but instead you’ve brought me to Motel Hell!"

Danny sighed in defeat. “Okay, I’ll call a car service to drive us back to the city.”

"No, it’s okay, Danny." Mindy clicks on the tv with a grin. "They have free porn."


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr prompt from nakedmonkey: Mindy/Jeremy. Something dirty.

It was quick. 

It was always quick, really. The definitions of quickie - if you looked the word up in a dictionary, you would find them: heated, sloppy kisses, fumbling fingers scrabbling at belt buckles and panties, entirely self satisfying movements. 

Even when he came to her place, where they could make tender, luxurious love if they wanted to, they still fucked quickly and selfishly. It was a release, a way to relax and blow off steam, like drinking some cold ones after a long day of work. Just… messier. 

The edge of the desk was jabbing into the soft flesh of her stomach, as she braced herself with her hands, gripping the sides while he rhythmically thrust into her. One of his hands clung to the desk as well, the other shoved under her blouse, fondling a tit, which did nothing for her except in foreplay. But they never really had foreplay. 

His thrusting was shallower now and he was groaning, so she knew he was close - and she was nowhere near. Every woman for herself, so she released one hand from the desk and slid it between her legs, rubbing herself almost aggressively. She pushed back and angled her hips and yes, that would do it, she just needed a little more…

He had both hands on her, fingers digging into her fleshy hips, the loud, moist slap of skin on skin speeding up. He leaned into her, hot breath in her ear as he released a string of obscenities, couched in that proper British accent that even made the word cunt sound like poetry. That was all it took to push her over the edge, and as he came to a violent climax sheathed inside her, she shuddered and clenched around him, her body stiffening, her head snapping back. 

"Bloody hell, Mindy!" He yelped as he pulled back, his nose throbbing from the impact of her skull. "Every fucking time!" 

She thought maybe that was the best part.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr prompts from Grelca and 5datesor2000dollars but I can't for the life of me remember what they were.

Don’t be nervous, Mindy. It’s no big deal. It’s just Danny, you’ve known him for years, so what if he’s maybe The One. It’s Danny, and dinner, and maybe some making out afterwards. Definitely some making out afterwards. Just making out, though. For now. 

She’s still in her robe when he arrives, and she opens the door to find him waiting with flowers and a bashful grin, like a high school kid on prom night. 

"Hey," she says, suddenly feeling shy. 

"Hey." Danny hands her the bouquet and kisses her on the cheek. She resists the desire to throw the flowers aside and leap on him, and instead finds a mason jar to use as a vase.

"So what’s the plan for tonight? I have to pick out which little black dress to wear - the sexy one, the really sexy one, or the borderline obscene one." She holds up a couple of shiny scraps of fabric on hangers. 

"I made reservations at Swing. Thought you might want to cut a rug afterwards."

"Then why aren’t you wearing your zoot suit, Danny? And what kind of club has dinner reservations?"

"It’s a restaurant, they just have a dance floor. You don’t have to wear black, you know."

"I thought you liked me in black?" 

"I do, it’s just… It kind of reminds me of a funeral, and my lip is still a little tender…" Danny grins and rubs his mouth. 

Mindy disappears back into her closet. “So, what, then? Navy? I have this olive green…”

"I thought you liked bright colors."

"Well, yeah, but I didn’t think you did. Whenever I ask you, you pick out something dark."

Danny gives her a little smirk. “Yeah, well, that was before you were with me. I might not have wanted you to stand out quite so brightly with those other guys… Not on purpose. Just, like, subconsciously or whatnot.”

"Why, you little sneak, Daniel Castellano." She comes out holding a teal dress with a flouncy skirt. "This looks good for dancing, maybe?"

"It looks very good."

"Okay, let me change then, you perv." She winks and spins, headIng into the her bedroom. 

Danny fiddles around in the living room, poking through her things and waiting as patiently as he can. Just when he’s about to shout at her to hurry, she emerges and takes his breath away. 

She’s put up her hair, so little tendrils hang around her face, and her skin is glowing, and she’s smiling at him with shining eyes. 

"Wow." 

"You like?" Mindy dips her head, looking up under her lashes. 

"You’re as beautiful as the day I met you."

That makes her laugh. She remembers the first time they met, and she wasn’t dolled up for dinner and dancing. She was in scrubs, her thick glasses perched on her nose, eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and she only noticed later that she had a smear of jelly on her lip. 

"Okay, Danny. Clearly your memory is going, but that’s very sweet." 

He comes closer, resting his hands on her shoulders and running them down her arms. 

"My memory is just fine. I think it’s yours that’s a little off, though. You called me mean and selfish…" 

Mindy blushes. “Oh, stop. I told you I was just mad. Don’t you remember what else I said, since you have such a great memory?”

"Tell me again."

"Okay then." She slips her arms around his neck, stroking her fingers through his hair. "I thought you were smart…" She kisses him softly before continuing. "And handsome and sexy…"

"I don’t remember you saying sexy before." 

"I might have edited that out." Mindy kisses him again, a little longer this time. "And I thought you were quite the catch, Dr. Castellano. I couldn’t imagine why nobody had caught you yet."

"Yeah, well. Looks like I got caught."

"You sure did. You just needed the right bait."


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr prompt: Mindy keeping up her end of the deal after Danny "forgives" her in 3x05

"Danny, I can’t believe you’re serious. That was all a scam, you can’t actually hold me to it." Mindy stands in the bedroom doorway, wearing soft flannel pajamas with cartoon ice cream cones, the fabric clinging to her curves. Morning light beams in through the doorway and picks up the soft, expensive highlights in her otherwise raven locks. 

"Mindy, I have witnesses. You don’t want me to go confess my sins to Dr. Fishman, now, do you? So get your hot ass over here and do what you promised." Danny grins wickedly and gestures to his lap. 

"Fine. But you go had better not complain," Mindy sighs as she joins him. "You know I’m terrible at this sort of thing."

He licks his lips and chuckles under his breath. “You know I’ll guide you and make sure you’re doing it right. I mean, you’ve got the basic skills down. I’ve seen what you can do when you try. I just think you mess up on purpose so you won’t have to do it.”

"Danny, I take this kind of thing very seriously! I don’t want anyone getting hurt because you carelessly put something in the wrong place." Mindy crosses her arms and gives him heavy side-eye. 

"How many times are you going to bring that up? Let it go, it was a long time ago. I’ve gotten better, you know that." Danny grabs her arm and tugs her closer. "I’ll prove it to you." 

He takes the pre-cut slabs of pressure treated decking off his lap and hands them to Mindy. 

"All you have to do is hold them, anyway. I’ll do the drilling and sanding, and then you can paint them. And I’ll make sure everything goes together firmly, so nothing collapses. I still think that bunk bed was faulty."

"Fine, Danny. But you’re going to have to repay me for this… I think you need to wake me up tomorrow with a little…" Mindy sticks her tongue out and noisily slaps it against her upper lip.

"Let’s finish the chairs first and then we can talk."


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr prompt from evmlove: Mindy and Danny are getting ready for a Halloween party, but their costumes are so sexy they wind up staying in. Smut.

“Hurry UP, Danny, it’s almost nine! I can’t believe I’m ready to go and you aren’t. We’re in a bizarro universe…”

The bathroom door creaks open a crack and Danny peeks his face out. 

"I’m not going."

Mindy is on her feet and across the room in an instant, though very wobbly on the 4” spike heels that she insisted were JUST FINE. “What do you mean, you aren’t going!?”

"Mindy, I can’t wear this in public. It’s… inappropriate."

She snorts in response. “Danny, you used to be an exotic dancer in a HOT PINK THONG. How can this be any worse…”

He swings the door open and shows her. The outfit is tight. Very tight. It clings snugly to every inch of his body, and as he gives her Catwoman outfit the once over, it gets tighter. 

"Mindy, there’s no way in hell YOU’RE going out in that."

"Shut up, Danny, it’s fine." Mindy preens and juts out a hip. Her costume looks painted on - it’s skin tight black vinyl and leaves even less to the imagination than Danny’s. 

"Turn around," Danny urges, his voice guttural. She obliges, slowly, and the sight of her slick, shiny ass turns him inside out. He steps close behind her and palms her buttocks, slipping one hand between her thighs roughly. 

"Danny!" She turns in his grasp and wraps an arm around his waist. "This is a perfectly fine costume. It even comes with this…" Mindy reaches to the dresser and shows him a loosely coiled whip, cracking it once for good measure. 

Danny flinches and takes it out of her hand. “The only thing coming with this is you.” He turns her back around and bends her over the foot of the bed, slapping her ass lightly. When she moans breathily and pushes her rump up against his erection, he knows this was her plan all along.

“Is there even a party, Mindy?” He whispers into her ear as he grinds against the slippery vinyl. 

"Yes," she pants. "Tomorrow night." Mindy flips over and wraps her legs around Danny’s waist, pulling him closer, digging her ridiculous heels into his ass. "You’re Popeye, I’m Olive Oyl. Now be a superhero and fuck me."

Danny doesn’t argue. He just growls. “I’m Batman.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr prompt from Gloriagilbertpatch: Danny takes Mindy behind the dugout…to teach her to throw a baseball. Which involves standing behind her and guiding her arms/body. There is sexual tension.

There’s a hush over the crowd - if you can call less than twenty people a crowd - as Mindy Lahiri steps to the mound, a softball clutched in her trembling hands. She’s never been assigned any position but left field, and usually spends her time texting and adding floors to her tiny tower. But Morgan wrenched his shoulder and they’re stuck without a relief pitcher. 

"Oh come on," sighs Jeremy from third base. "We need a pitcher, not a person who incessantly scratches their torso."

"Shut up! It’s a rash!" Mindy feels the fire on her belly, and ribs, and hips. No more dollar store detergent soap. 

Brendan Deslaurier steps up to the plate with a smug expression, as per usual. Mindy wants nothing more than to lob the softball at his cranium, thumping him in the skull so he drops like Owen Meany’s friend. No, that’s just wrong of her. Just cause him irreversible brain damage, thats enough. 

She flings the ball ineffectually and it lands six feet to her left. 

A huge moan bursts out - if you can call ten people moaning huge - and Brendan preens and swings his bat around. Mindy pouts, hearing one voice out of the group ringing in her ears. 

"What the hell, Mindy?" 

Danny storms out to the mound and grabs her arm. “You said you knew how to pitch,” he hisses. “I’ve seen baby leaguers throw better!”

"Then you do it, Danny!" She shrieks, crossing her arms over her chest. 

"You know I’m the shortstop, and no smartass remarks. We need to beat the midwives or our season is done." Danny picks up the ball and glares at her. 

"I never wanted to play your damned softball anyway! Let Beverly do it!" 

"Beverly says she can’t stand that long, her hips are made of glass. I don’t even know what that means. But we have no one else, Mindy - if you don’t do this, we have to forfeit. And that means THEY WIN." Danny whirls and points dramatically at the opposing team. 

"Well I don’t know how to do it any better," Mindy whines. 

Danny calls a timeout and drags her behind the dugout. “Give us ten minutes!” He shouts. “Fifteen tops…” 

"I don’t know what you plan to teach me back here in ten minutes, Danny, that I didn’t already learn in high school." Mindy smirks and tosses the ball to him.

"Yeah, this is probably pointless. But just watch me, watch my body." Danny mimics pitching, using exaggerated movements - winding up and fake throwing, putting a lot of english in it. 

Mindy watches his body alright. She learns absolutely nothing about pitching. 

"Okay, you try." Danny hands her the ball and she stares at it. She’s feeling a little warm. "Come on, pretend to throw it!"   
Mindy flings. 

"Come on, Min! It’s like you’re not even trying!" Danny groans. 

"Well, I’m not," she says grumpily. Danny grasps her upper arms and stares longingly into her eyes. 

"I don’t want to strangle you, Mindy." He murmurs. "So you are going to try."

"FINE. Show me again."

Danny glares, then resumes his windup and pitch. Mindy weakly attempts to copy him. 

"No, no, no. You have to move your whole body, not just your arm. Like this." He comes up behind her and puts his hands on her hips. She squeaks. 

"Danny, what?.."

"Shhh… shut up." Danny puts a hand on her shoulder and moves it back as his other hand guides her opposite hip. He’s trying to position her like she would in an actual pitch, but it feels more like they’re doing the lambada. His breath is hot in her ear and her ass grazes his groin. "Mindy, pay attention."

"Mmm…" She swallows hard as he moves her body, pulling her arm back, cocking her hip, slipping a hand under her knee and arching it up. She turns her head and he’s an inch away from her face, his eyes intense. They stare each other down, neither moving. 

"Hurry the fuck up!" Peter’s voice breaks the tension. 

"Okay, Min, try it on your own." Danny steps back and turns slightly away, looking up at her under heavy lids. Mindy exhales and shuts her eyes, pulls her arm back, raises a knee and fires off a perfect shot. Danny’s mouth drops - he can’t believe she picked it up that fast. "What the hell, how…" 

"I just have to pretend we’re fucking," Mindy murmurs as she glides past him to resume her position on the mound. 

Danny paid for the celebratory drinks that night.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr prompt from themoonbar: pining.

For the second time tonight, he hangs up the phone with a knot in his stomach. 

This wasn’t how things were supposed to go. This was a business trip, no time for shenanigans, even if the rest of the staff planned to treat it like a working vacation. Certainly no time for confrontations. But fate has a way of kicking Danny Castellano when he’s down, and this whole thing with his dad is no exception. 

But he’s not going to roll over and accept his fate like last time. Nope, he’s going to confront his dad and move on. Closure, like Mindy would say. 

Mindy. 

Yeah, that was something that didn’t need closure. A damned door slammed in his face was closure enough. 

Danny stridently strips down to his boxers and undershirt and climbs into the gritty sheets atop the mattress that was simultaneously flat and lumpy. Yeah, no amount of whiskey could make anything about this comfortable. 

He wills himself to fall sleep, but it’s not happening. Danny’s mind is going a mile a minute, thinking about how he even got wrangled into this, and how he’s even going to will up the courage to look that man in the eye, let alone pop him in the jaw like he deserves.   He can’t stop checking his phone, in case he missed a text or a call back from her. God… Stop thinking about her. That ship has sailed - not that he had even set foot on the dock. 

It’s ridiculous, really, but somehow something that makes absolutely no sense suddenly made all the sense in the world. You don’t just fall in love with someone in a flash. Though, if he was being honest, and tonight was apparently all about honesty, it wasn’t a flash at all. 

It was slow, and subtle, almost insidious, the way she integrated herself so firmly into his life. It was every tinkling shimmer of laughter, usually at his expense. It was the soft dart of her tongue to dampen her lips. It was the warmth of her touch, of her smile, of her eyes. 

Fuck. He really had it bad.

He wished he could just rewind time, never have grasped at her hand in the lobby of his building, never have tempted her to spin a yarn that unraveled his whole life. How could he have imagined they would be playing fake lovers one minute, to support a silly lie, and the next minute he would be holding her in his arms and smelling her skin and pressing his face into her hair? 

No, if that had never happened, he could have gone on unaware. 

Except, he couldn’t, and he knew it. Even before he was literally forced into her arms, he felt the pull. He caught himself, touching her whenever he could, looking at her, finding perfectly justifiable reasons to put up with her schemes. It would have dawned on him eventually. 

Maybe if he had figured it out a wee bit sooner, he could have acted, before she met this latest guy who might even be the last guy. But that’s silly. It’s Mindy. They’ve known each other half a decade, and never once in her wild, exaggerated search for Mr. Right had she ever given him even half a glance. He wasn’t even in her atmosphere - and that made sense, actually. He wasn’t the romantic hero. 

Even if he tried to be, once. That stupid dance. She liked it, she said. There was a moment - maybe not even the first moment - where it felt like they were on the same wavelength, the same vibe. But that didn’t pan out, and she found her Prince Charming out in the snow, and… slam. 

It was okay. They were good as friends. Being alone was okay, it was familiar, and it couldn’t be lost. Besides, you can’t miss what you never had.

He was pretty sure that last bit was a lie, though.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr prompt from GloriaGilbertpatch: Danny, Mindy, and Little Danny on an adventure in the city?

"Danny!"

Two heads pop up from their plates. “Yeah?” they say simultaneously. 

"Big Danny. Boyfriend Danny, I mean. Come here for a minute."

The elder Castellano got up and dutifully followed Mindy to an area just out of earshot. 

"Tara just texted me. They think it’s just angina, but they want to keep him overnight for tests. She’s flying in in the motioning, but until then…" Mindy gestured at the table. "She’s ours."

Danny grimaced and ran a hand through his hair. “Jesus. I’m glad it’s not more serious, but… What the hell are we supposed to do with her now? She can’t stay at my place.”

"Why not?" Mindy crossed her arms and gave a worried glance to the blonde girl happily eating pancakes for dinner. It was one meal Mindy had mastered.

"I’m an adult man, I can’t have a little girl sleep over. It would be weird." He shrugged nervously. "Besides, what would I talk to her about?"

"I’ll be here, silly. We can watch tv and eat candy and it will be like any other Saturday night. Well, except for, you know. Sexy times." 

Danny shook his head. “No, no, I can’t have that. We aren’t married, you can’t stay over. That would set a terrible example.” 

"Well either we get married right now or you give up your dream of being a twelve year old girl’s role model." 

"No. Nope. Figure something out, Min." He started to pace worriedly. 

"Oh, your sister is my job now?" 

"Hey, you’re the one Tara texted."

"I can’t help it if I’m a more friendly person and people bond with me. Fine, she can stay at my place tonight. But tomorrow, it’s all you, buddy. This was supposed to be the big Castellano bonding weekend after all."

"Are you guys talking about my dad?" Danni called out, her plate scraped clean. 

"Yeah, but he’s going to be fine, honey." 

Mindy smiled at the affection in her boyfriend’s voice. “He’s going to stay at the hospital overnight,” she added. “And your mom will be here in the morning, so you’re going to come over to my house tonight.”

"Why can’t I stay here?" Danni whined. 

"Because Aunt Mindy lives in a more age appropriate apartment," Danny explained. 

"She’s not my aunt. She’d be my sister-in-law, though, if you’d just marry her already." Danny beamed at her brother. 

"Did you pay her to say that?" Danny asked with suspicion. 

"No. No, no." Mindy shook her head vigorously while Danni nodded with glee. 

"Geez, it’s not bad enough I get it from her, but you too?" He reached out and tickled the youngster, who burst into giggles and wiggled away. "Seriously, Mindy will take good care of you. You don’t have to worry about your dad, either."

"Our dad," Danni corrected. "And I’m not worried."

Mindy smiled and patted the girl’s head tentatively. “Aren’t you brave!”

"You guys are doctors, and I know my brother wouldn’t let anything bad happen to his dad. Are there any more pancakes?"

"She takes after you, how is that possible?" 

"Shut up, Danny, and make your sister pancakes."

—-

"Min? Danni?" Danny opened Mindy’s front door and called out, with no response. He went inside and headed to the bedroom. "Knock knock, everyone decent?"

He peered inside. The pair was still asleep, curled up facing each other with the covers pulled up and remnants of candy packages strewn around. His heart caught in his throat for a minute at the sight. 

He went to sit next to Mindy and she woke with a little startle as the bed sagged under Danny’s weight. 

"Hey. Tara called me - I guess you missed the texts? She got in about an hour ago and is headed for the hospital. I told her we would bring Danni over after lunch, does that work for you?"

Mindy yawned and stretched. Beside her, little Danni stirred, drowning in a pair of flannel pajamas that Mindy had lent her. 

“Yeah… Let me jump in the shower. You know, Danny… It was kind of fun having her here last night. She’s a cool kid, and since that’s definitely not genetic, it gives me some hope.”

"Hope for what?" 

"Hope that we can have cool kids that take after their mother." 

Danny rolled his eyes. “I’m cool. I’m so cool they call me iceman.”

"I think you’re mishearing it Danny. The second half of that word is hole." She grinned as he pulled her up out of bed and flush against him. "Hey, there’s a tween in my bed, settle down."

"She’s a cool kid," he smirked as he leaned in to kiss her. Just as their lips met, they heard the covers rustle and Danni’s head popped up.

"Eeew, gross!" 

They sprang apart and Mindy sighed. “They do say romance goes out the window after you have kids.”

Danny laced his fingers in hers and whispered in her ear. “That’s not gonna happen.”


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr prompt from dagaptoothedbetch: min and danny realize they have (unconsciously) not spent a single night apart since they got back together - fluff and love and pretty pretty please

He’s drifting off to sleep when he hears his name, whispered into his skin. 

"Danny."

She’s in the crook of his arm, her head resting on his shoulder. She draws her hand up from his stomach to run her fingers up and down his sternum, tangling in his wiry hair. 

"Hmmmm?" he sighs sleepily. 

"I’m on call tomorrow night."

"Mmmm. Okay." Danny rests his face against the top of her head and closes his eyes again. 

Mindy’s foot snakes in between his, rubbing slowly. She exhales and the rush of warmth on his skin is soothing.

"Yeah, so I’ll be at the hospital. Alone. All night." 

There’s a point here he’s missing, and he’s hesitant to come out and ask. This is still pretty fresh, this renewal of faith she has in him, and he feels like it would be so easy for him to fuck things up again. He smooths his hand down her side, over the swell if her hip, and breathes her in. 

"Yeah, I’m on call Thursday night. We’ve just been lucky till now."

Mindy sighs again and flattens her palm on his chest. “Well, that, and Peter still owed me a couple of favors. He’s been taking my overnights for a month.”

"Do I even want to know?" Danny chuckles. He’s still in a sleepy sex haze, so it doesn’t really matter, but he’ll avoid Peter stories if he can. 

She muffles a laugh and murmurs no, following it with soft kisses across his collarbone, up his throat and along his jaw. Danny tugs her hair to pull her head back and catches her lips in his, kissing her lazily. 

"Okay, but I realized that tomorrow will be the first night we’ll be apart, since…" Mindy bites her lower lip and looks up at him under her lashes, the ambient light catching across her face. Danny feels his chest tighten, just a bit. "Since we got together."  
Back together. He knows she left that out on purpose. 

And it has been a whirlwind, the last what, two weeks? He hasn’t stopped to count. He couldn’t, really, because time now is measured in toothy white smiles, sparkling mahogany eyes, breathy moans. And lip bites. Every moment in between is an eon, so it’s hardly surprising if his calendar is a bit off. 

"It’s okay, Min. We have plenty of time."

She nods. “I know. I’m just gonna miss you.” 

"You’ll see me at the office," he says, reassuringly, though he will miss her too. 

"It’s not the same though. It’s not like this." She burrows deeper into his skin, her knee between his. 

He’s drifting to sleep again, his lids heavy, his body relaxed in a way he couldn’t have imagined a month ago. 

"Danny?"

"Mmm… we can talk more in the morning, okay?"

Mindy sighs against him. “Okay.” She’s quiet for just a moment. “It’s just, I wanted to tell you…”

He’s not sure she said the words or he dreamed it, and he startles back awake. Wide awake. 

"What?"

"You heard me, dummy," she giggles. 

"I don’t care, say it again." He rolls on his side, pushing her back against the mattress, and strokes her cheek to coax the words out again. He can just barely see her eyes, but it’s suddenly very important that he does. 

"I love you, Danny."

—-

She’s on the lumpy sofa in the lounge, carefully eating Flaming Hot Cheetos right from the bag. Her professional appearance could be questioned if she shows up with bright orange fingers… again. The bag is tipped back against her mouth as she tries to shake the last few bits out, when she hears him. 

"Hey."

"Danny? What are you doing here!" The Cheetos bag is discarded and she leaps to kiss him. His mouth has just a hint of staining when she pulls back. 

"I didn’t want you to miss me too much. I brought you chicken fingers."

Mindy squeals and pulls him down, climbing half into his lap as she digs into the bag. 

They’ll have to spend nights apart eventually. It’s part and parcel of the job they share, and they still have their own lives to lead, for now. They can’t spend every night with his nose buried in her hair and her arms curled around his ribs. 

But she loves him, and tonight, at least, they will.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr prompt from sippingpoison:  
> I’ve been waiting forever for someone to write what happened after the “a relationship is just doing what you don’t like in between sex sessions” kiss in 3x01!

The beer bottle wobbles as Danny hastily sets it on the coffee table, all thoughts of cowboys and indians rapidly fleeing his mind as Mindy presses herself against him. It’s Sunday afternoon and she’s just returned from brunch where mojitos must have been on the menu, because her mouth is minty.

"What brought this on?" he murmurs in her ear as her mouth trails across his jaw. "You’re not usually so frisky after a buffet."

Mindy’s hand reaches his lap and she ghosts her fingers over him, adding a little pressure as he responds. “You know how it is with Chinese food, Danny. In an hour you’re hungry again.”

Danny groans as she undoes the button fly of his jeans and wraps her cool fingers around him, freeing him from his boxers.   
With a surprisingly agile move, she slides to the floor, kneeling to take him in her mouth. He grips the back of the couch with one hand as the other threads through the sleek strands of her hair.

"Fuck… that’s so good, Min," he grunts as her tongue swipes the underside of his cock, her lips pressing against his shaft as she sweeps her mouth sideways. Mindy reaches her hand into his stroke his balls, giving them a gentle tug that sets his teeth on edge, and she kisses them before returning her attention to his straining erection.

Danny’s head is thrown back against the couch, his fingers tightening in her hair as she’s licking and lapping at him and he fights the urge to thrust into her hot wet mouth. She feels him tensing and moves up to take him in as fully as she can, making little moaning sounds to urge him on. He doesn’t need much urging.

"Min… baby… I’m close…" He warns her, giving her a moment to adjust before he’s coming, pulsing down her throat, and she’s swallowing and sucking him down as the spasms run through him. As he softens and relaxes against the cushions, she slips him free and tucks him back into his shorts.

Danny’s eyelids are heavy as he turns to her when she sits back up on the couch, remote in hand.

"That was so nice, sweetheart. Can I…" He gestures in the direction of her lower torso, his head still lolling back. She smiles and shakes her head.

"I’m fine, babe. I just want to watch this Divas special on VH1 now, if that’s okay?" Her grin is bright, even with most of her lipstick rubbed off.

"Yeah, of course. Whatever you want…" His head is clearing and he narrows his eyes at her. "You know you could have just asked, you didn’t have to…"

She kisses him on the cheek. “More fun this way.”


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mini ficathon on Tumblr during the hiatus - prompt: Danny and mindy sneak off during their wedding reception to get it on in the bathroom

"Are you okay? Was it too much cake?" Danny locks the bathroom door as Mindy heads to the sink, turning on the tap and splashing some water on her cheeks.

"Danny, I’m not really going to be sick. I just need to freshen up and change out of this dress and into something more dance-friendly, and I need your help." She pulls out a garment bag with a very flashy red dress and starts to dig in her makeup bag for matching lipstick.

"Min, this is your third wardrobe change today. And didn’t you hire a stylist?"

"Look, Danny, you wanted a traditional wedding, and so did I, so duh, I’m gonna have two wedding gowns. This is my best-of-both-worlds after party dress and I better not have eaten too much biryani to fit in it! Now, undo these buttons."

The back of her fluffy white dress has about a million little pearly buttons and Danny starts to undo them one at a time while she holds up her poufy, Staten inspired hair. As soon as her skin is exposed, he starts to kiss it, his lips following the path of his fingers.

"You know it’s probably quicker without the lip action. I’m just saying."

"What’s your hurry?" Danny slips the straps of her dress over her shoulders and the whole thing falls to the ground. He kisses her neck and slides his palms from her waist to her belly and spins her around.

"Danny, you perv. I’m a married woman now." Mindy preens in her tiny strapless bra and matching panties, all shimmering white against her rich dark skin. She unsnaps the bra and lets it fall as well. Danny’s eyes follow, then drag back up her body.

"Yeah, I was there. Both times. Your husband’s a very lucky man." He leans in to kiss her, pressing her ass against the sink. He grabs the garter belt she’s wearing and furrows his brow.

"How the hell do you take this thing off?"

"You don’t." Mindy grins. "You just unsnap here, and here," she releases the snaps holding up her stockings. "And then take these off." She shimmies out of the little white thong and reattaches the garters.

Danny’s gaze lands to the dark patch at the apex of her thighs. “Heart shaped. Nice.” He grabs her hips and hoists her onto the counter.

"Danny, what are you… Oh my!"

"You said you needed my help, and I know you can get that dress on by yourself, so, there’s nothing left for me to do for you but this," he explains as he sinks to his knees.

"Mmm, Danny, and to think, you don’t even need to confess now."

"Oh, trust me, before this week is up, I’m pretty sure I will."


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr mini ficathon prompt from evmlove: Danny and Mindy and massages.

"A couples massage? What the hell is that? Does one person massage us both, or…"

"Danny, come on. How can this concept escape you? It’s just a regular massage, only we’re together." Mindy laces her fingers into Danny’s and yanks him down the hall. "And I’ve already booked it, so it’s gonna be on the bill whether we go or not. I know how you hate wasting money."

He sighs and stumbles along after her. “I also hate strangers touching me.”

"And yet you put your hands into strange women’s vaginas on an almost daily basis."

"Shhhh!" Danny begs, as they walk past a group of now concerned looking ladies. He spins to explain as they hurry away. "Doctor, I’m a doctor. They’re patients! I’m not a stranger to them."

Mindy stops at the spa and drags him inside, where they’re shown to a warm, romantically lit room with candles and “that new age crap,” as Danny put it, playing quietly. Danny follows Mindy’s instructions, stripping down to his shorts (“I am not doing this naked, Min!”) and wrapping a towel around his waist. Mindy sheds everything but her thong (“Only because you kept yours on, you weirdo.”) and lies face down on the table.

After a moment, they hear the masseuses enter and Mindy makes casual small talk with them. Danny just grunts. He’s a little tense - okay, a lot tense - and he flinches as he’s massaged.

Mindy, of course, is in heaven. She’s sighing, and moaning, and then moaning some more, deep, throaty sounds, and it’s a little disturbing.

"Min…" He whispers. She doesn’t respond, just keeps making increasingly blissful noises. Finally Danny can’t stand it. "Mindy!"  
She finally turns her head towards, not even opening her eyes. “Hmmm?”

"Why are you making those noises?"

A wrinkle appears on her brow. “What noises?”

"Those noises. It sounds…you know…intimate."

Her brown eyes blink open and she glares at him. “I’m relaxing, Danny. I’m enjoying my massage, so why don’t you enjoy yours?”

He grimaces. “It sounds like you’re enjoying it a little too much…OOF!”

Danny’s masseuse, a sturdy, muscular woman with steely gray eyes, has her elbow planted between his shoulder blades. “No talking!” she hisses.

Mindy grins and turns her head back the other way.

She’s a little quieter, and Danny starts to relax too, as the knots in his muscles are worked out. He even lets out a random sound now and then, which Mindy rewards with a smug little “hmmmph!”

When they are finished, the two women leave to let the pair get dressed. Mindy is energized, bouncing even more than she had two hours ago on the mini trampolines in what Danny called a “mockery of a workout.” He is not energetic now - quite the opposite.

"Danny, if we go out to the deck now, there’s a hula lesson starting, and then karaoke in the bar at 5, and then we can hit the buffet. I don’t want to miss the buffet!"

"Isn’t it open 24 hours?"

"Yes, but they only serve prime rib between 6 and 8."

Danny wrapped his arms around her from behind and pressed his cheek to hers. “Babe, it’s great that you want to do all these activities, but right now I think I just need a nap.”

She twisted in his grasp and kissed his nose. “A nap, or “a nap?” She asked with air quotes.

"A real, honest to goodness, I’ve-only-been-married-to-you-three-days-and-I’m-exhausted, kind of nap," he sighed wearily, resting his forehead on her shoulder.

"You promise to be awake for the prime rib?"

"Give me one good hour of rest, and you can eat all the prime rib you want." Danny put his arm around her waist to walk back to their cabin. "Maybe we can even squeeze in a "nap" before dinner."


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt from Tumblr: Mindy's always hitting Danny--at the office, in the doctors' lounge, at the eye doctor's, when he gives her flowers, etc. Maybe a five-times thing, where in the beginning he brushes it off as Mindy being a crazy friend, and then later it turns into their first kiss? They try to pass it off as adrenaline, but they both know it's a lot more...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slightly different from the prompt...

——

_Case file recordings by Dr. Daniel A. Castellano, Patient Diane Cho, 12/6/2013._

Dr. Castellano (hereafter referred to by Dr. C) “Diane Cho, 28 years old, reported frequently recurring urinary tract infections over the past six months. Patient reported visiting several Carribean islands during vacation in the early spring…”

(Knocking noise is heard.)

Dr C: “Hang on, Mindy.”

(Dr. C appears to have thought recording device was switched off and closes it in drawer? Recording is somewhat muffled as a result.)

(Sound of door slamming, footsteps, a loud slapping noise.)

Dr. C: “What the hell was that for?”

Woman: “that’s for signing me up for all this. Just look! This is one day’s worth of mail, Danny. And the phone calls, and the e-mails. This is not funny, Danny!”

Dr C: “What, this looks like valuable information for the single expectant mother. So why are you blaming me?”

Woman: “Oh, gee, I don’t know, maybe that it’s all addressed to Chloe Silverado? Or is that just a coincidence?”

Dr C: “Must be.”

(Another loud slapping sound.)

Dr C: “Ow! Hey, that at actually hurt, knock it off!”

Woman: “That is just so rude, after I helped you with your little booty call problem.”

Dr C: “She wasn’t a booty call, alright? She was a friend with benefits.”

Woman. “Whatever.”

Dr C: “Look, I thought you’d laugh, I’m sorry. Just save them for when you’re actually a single mother.”

(Crashing sound.)

Woman: “Ow, Danny, let go.”

Dr C: “Not until you promise to stop slapping me. This is like domestic violence or something.”

Woman: “I will never stop slapping you.”

Dr C: “Well, then, I’ll never let go of your wrists.”

Woman: “Eventually one of us will have to pee.” 

Dr C: “Good point. Look, if I promise not to make any more jokes about your crazy, pregnant alter ego, will you at least promise to stop slapping me for now? I have an appointment in an hour and I don’t think I can do a Pap smear hands-free.”

Woman: “Fine. I promise.”

Dr C: “Okay, great, I, ow! Damn it, Mindy, no pinching either!”

Woman: “You didn’t say that. Let go!”

Dr C: “It was implied. Look, you’re being even more crazy than usual.”

Woman: “Usual! Danny, I’m going to make you pay for that. Let me go!”

Dr C: “Calm down. Did you drink too much coffee today?”

Woman: “You’re just digging the hole deeper. Let me go. Hey.”

(Thumping noise, followed by silence, then a unidentified noise, wet sounding.)

Woman: “What the hell, Danny?”

Dr C: “I, I was just trying to shut you up.”

Woman: “Let go.”

Dr C: “Are you going to hurt me again?” 

Woman: (whispered) “No.”

(Unidentified noises, smacking, what appear to be sighs, grunts.)

Dr C: “You bit my lip!”

Woman: “Sorry. Sorry, I didn’t mean…”

(Same noises, knocking at door.)

Faint female voice: “Dr C, your 3pm is here.”

Dr C: “Thank you, Tamra, um, I’ll meet her in the exam room in a moment.”

Woman: “This isn’t finished, Danny.”

Dr C: “I know. Put your shirt back on.”

(Recording ends.)

(Transcriber’s note: Mike, this is a weird one, so you think it was supposed to be included?)

(Editor’s note: Like fun it was. Delete before sending files to client.)


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt from Tumblr: The actual logistics of sex in a bathtub. Sexy, funny, fluffy, whatever.

—-

Mindy hadn’t planned this. There were no flowers or candles, no froth of bubbles, just one woman, extra warm water, and a very tempting bath spout. 

She didn’t have to do this anymore, she reminded herself. She was getting it on the reg from the hottest, thirstiest, most well proportioned doc on the east coast. It’s just that it had been three days, and she just got off grueling back to back shifts, and she wanted to relax, and Danny wasn’t there. 

Dammit, she shouldn’t have to make excuses. She was in the mood, and by herself - she just wanted to come, and go to sleep. So what’s a little water wasted?

Mindy tugged the stopper and watched the water start to drain, and then turned on the faucet. Not too hot, those bits are sensitive, and then she slid her hips till they were just right and oh, that was good. 

She dropped her head along the side of the tub and opened her legs, just a little, so the warm water pulsed against the apex of her thighs. She closed her eyes and moaned… She was on a beach, the warm sun soaking into her skin, a little breeze playing about, and Danny on his knees…

Until the knocking on the door pulled her back to the Manhattan bathroom. 

Gasping, Mindy slammed her thighs shut and rolled over, hanging over the edge of the bath. Getting caught was NOT sexy after all!

“Go away, Annette! Danny’s at the hospital!” Her heart pounded in her chest, and elsewhere. Damn. 

The gravelly voice from behind the door was a relief. “Danny’s not at the hospital. You decent?”

“Baby!” She shrieked. “Not in the least. Get in here!”

Danny slid open the door and came in, squatting beside her. “Whatcha doin? Your bath looks kind of… Where’s all the water?” He eyed the partially full tub as it drained faster than it filled. 

“I, um, I was rinsing?” Mindy fumbled to plug it and Danny grabbed her hand. 

“I know what you were doing in here,” he whispered. “You think you can get away with that?”

“Get away with wha…” She stammered as she felt her face flush even redder. 

Danny grabbed the back of her head and pulled her to him, crushing his lips against hers, his tongue diving into her mouth. 

“You were gonna shave your legs with my razor, you sneak.”

He started to rise and she stood with him, pressing her wet body against him as he shed his clothes. 

“Mmmhmmm. You caught me.” She giggled, hoping he wouldn’t notice how smooth they already were. Had she rinsed off the razor? Oh well, she’d find a way to distract him.


	25. Luisa

She’s the size of a kumquat. Or is it a plum? He doesn’t have his diagrams handy. Mindy has them memorized, the sizing equivalent for each week, but he always hated using the damned fruit charts. 

Danny doesn’t even know if she’s a she. He just…knows. And sure, he’d scoff at anyone who came in his office and proclaimed to know, especially if they used those silly tests. The ring on a string? Preposterous. Peeing on baking soda or drain cleaner, now that’s just plain dangerous. You’ll find out when it’s time, he assures the eager parents. You have plenty of time. 

But he knows. He can close his eyes and see her, squalling like her mother, bright red lips and dense black hair plastered to her face. He can see her big brown eyes with lashes like a foal as she gazes up while she nurses. He can picture her wild curls, pulled up in a crooked ponytail on one side as she smiles for the camera. And she will, constantly, he just knows. 

These thoughts run through Danny’s head like a whirlwind. A day hasn’t passed since he found out he was going to be a father that he hasn’t zoned out at least once, his mind working overtime, every possible scenario presenting itself in technicolor. It doesn’t matter how many babies he’s brought into this world, because he’s fully aware of the ones he hasn’t, and for every thought of his perfect little daughter, an alternative crashes in and wrecks him. 

But he doesn’t say anything of the sort to Mindy, who has no concerns at all, because of course everything will be perfect. And yet as he watches her pack to go back to San Francisco, as he tries to listen to her chatter on about, well, he’s not really sure, it’s overwhelming to even try to have anything on his mind but her. His baby. She’s really having his baby. 

“Mindy, you can’t go back.” Danny’s voice is firm, not demanding, just a statement of fact. She can’t, that’s just the way it is. The fellowship, this business plan, none of that matters. 

“Of course I’m going back, Danny.” She’s just as nonchalant. It hasn’t even crossed her mind how this changes things. It changes everything. 

He’s on the bed and he just wants her there too. Why does she still want to go? He’s done everything he can. He bought her a house. They’re going to be a family - hell, if he’s honest, they’ve been a family a long time. 

“But you…we…I don’t want to move to San Francisco.” He knows he sounds like a petulant child, but it’s unavoidable. There’s so much he wants to say, but nothing comes out when he needs it to. 

Mindy sits on the bed and looks at him with patient, kind eyes. She’s going to be the best mom. The knows the perfect thing to say, spoils but doesn’t ruin, loves hard and unconditionally kind of mom. And his child will be the luckiest child in the world, even if he doesn’t know how to be the best dad. 

“Danny, you don’t have to move. I want you to, but I’d never make you do that. I know your heart is here.”

“My heart? You’re my heart.” His voice cracks, and he doesn’t want to admit it, but he feels the sting in his eyes that comes before he breaks. “If you aren’t here, then I’ll go there. Wherever it is, for however long. I can’t not.”

“Danny.” Mindy lies down beside him, stroking his hair as he curls in to her, resting his head lightly on her stomach. She’s in there, fruit sized, and she can’t hear him yet, but it doesn’t matter. He whispers “I love you,” and it’s the easiest those words have ever come to him. 

“I have to be there, Min. I have to watch you, watch your belly swell. I have to be there when she kicks. How could I not?” 

“She?” Mindy says with amusement. “You know it’s a she? You are a good doctor.” 

He sighs. “I can’t say ‘it’ like that.”

“Okay, weirdo. And you just want to be there when my boobs get gigantic. More gigantic, I mean, which is hardly even possible.”

Danny grins, his arm draped across her, and he reaches out to brush her fingers. 

“Yeah, I’m not gonna say no to that,” he teases. She grabs his hand and twists her fingers into his, and he looks up at her and her eyes are shining. “I’ll go, and then we’ll come back, and it’s gonna be fine.”

It will be fine. He knows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Luisa is a girl's name, and lui as is Italian for "he knows." But we were both wrong because it's a boy!


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tumor prompt from Creativelapses (aka Likerealpeopledo here) : It's Valentine's Day at the Castellanos--Danny, Ma, and Mindy; goofy movies, Chinese food. GO.

“Oh no, Danny, no way. I’m done with the compromises. You wanted to stay in on Valentine’s Day, fine. Just have take out and Netflix and snuggles on the couch, okay, that works for me.” Mindy takes a deep breath before she continues. “Then you tell me you invited your mother because her boyfriend is on call and Dot has an actual date and I said okay. I said okay Danny! And now you tell me we have to watch her choice of movies? Oh hell no. I draw the line there.”

Her arms are crossed. Her brow is furrowed. On this, she will not back down.

“Min, come on. I bought you double mu-shu pork, and flowers, and the damned singing teddy bear, and a pair of shoes that cost more than medical school. You can let my poor ma watch one movie. It’s gotta to be a special day for her too.” Danny lowers his voice. “We don’t know how many she’s got left.” He pushes the hair off her face. “Please, sweetheart? I’ll make it up to you, I promise. She’ll be gone by 10, 10:30… and then I’ll let you have your way with me.”

Mindy snorts and rolls her eyes. “You’re damn lucky I’m all horned up, or you’d be having your way with your hand for the next week or three.”

Annette’s voice rings out from the living room. “Danny, honey, the food’s here. Come pay the nice oriental boy.”

Danny grimaces and heads to the front door. “It’s Asian, Ma!” 

“That’s really not any better,” Mindy mutters to no one as she follows him out. 

Annette smiles at her, gesturing at the table, all laid out with an entire formal dinner setting. “No, it’s fine, Mindy, I don’t need any help. I’m done doing all the hard work. It is a woman’s role in life after all.”

“Annette, it’s 2015… Nope, not gonna go there. Let’s just have a nice dinner and an early movie and then we can get to bed… I mean you can get home and get to bed.”

Danny brings the bags of Chinese food to the kitchen and Annette starts serving, all the while telling Danny what a good son he is to take in his mother on such a romantic day. Mindy doesn’t miss the pointed glances her way. 

“And I found a movie I’m sure you’ll like, Daniel. It’s all about dancers. I know how you enjoy that. I can’t remember the name… something about a boy.”

“Billy Elliot?” Danny suggests. 

“No, no, it was Michael, Mike, something like that.”

“Magic Mike?” gasps Mindy.

“Yes, that’s the one.” 

Danny nods. “Sure, Ma. Whatever you want. Right, Min?”

“Oh, yes, Danny,” she nods with enthusiasm. “It sounds PERFECT.”


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr prompt from Redglasseslove: Heeeeyyyyy! So how about Danny telling Richie that Mindy is pregnant. I love the Castellano brothers interacting!

“Danny! My brotha! Hey sugar, what’s shakin?”

Danny shuddered and took a deep breath. 

“Richie, hey, I need to talk to you.”

“Shit, Danny, I haven’t heard you use that voice since had to tell me you caught Mikey Lamonica at the movies making out with a girl.” Richie chuckled at the memory of his overprotective big brother. “What’s going on? Is Ma okay? Mindy?” 

The momentary hesitation caused the younger Castellano to worry. 

“Ma’s fine, Richie. It’s, uh…”

“Aw, hell, did…did Mindy break up with you?” He paused, and his tone changed from sympathy to anger. “Did you break up with Mindy?”

“No, nobody broke up with nobody. It’s as far from that as you can get.”

“Okay…wait. Do not tell me you ran off and got married without me. So help me, I will kick your ass..”

“No! Richie, come on man, just let me… You’re gonna be an uncle.” 

“HOLY SHIT.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Mindy’s having a baby? You’re gonna be a dad, Danny? Oh my God. Wow. RAMON!”

Danny flinched and pulled the phone away from his ear. 

“Ramon, Danny’s on the phone. You owe me fifty bucks, man!”

“For which?” Ramon’s voice came into the background. “Did he break up with her or did he knock her up?”

“He knocked her up! They’re having a kid!”

“Oh, yay, that’s much better. I’ll pay you off in kisses, Richie.” 

Danny heard a loud smacking noise and a giggle before Richie returned to the line. 

“Really, Richie? Betting against me? That’s not cool.”

“Aw, we weren’t serious. A baby! Congratulations! Wow. What did Ma say?”

“Long story, baby brother. Long story.”


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr prompt from Dagaptoothedbetch: Mindy is in her third trimester and is uncomfortable because nyc is hot af in the summer so she asks danny to stay up with her and tell her the story of their first kiss

“Danny. Danny, wake up!” Mindy shoves Danny’s shoulder hard enough to jostle him awake. 

“What? Are you okay?” He mumbles sleepily. 

“I can’t sleep. I’m too hot and the the baby’s all worked up and my back hurts.”

Danny exhales and wraps his arms around Mindy. “It’s all that damned chili. She’s probably got heartburn!”

“I know, because I do.”

He rubs her back comfortingly. “You do this to yourself, you know. You shouldn’t have been eating any chili in the first place, let alone Morgan’s five alarm habanero horror.”

“Well, you should’ve said something before I had that third helping,” Mindy moans. 

“Oh you mean something other than ‘Mindy, don’t eat that chili?’ Which, incidentally, I told you before you had the first helping.”

“Hey, when I said wake up and talk to me, I didn’t mean wake up and lecture me, okay? I’m going to have your baby pretty soon, and unless you want me to start turning her against you now, you’d better be nice to me.”

“I’m sorry. I’m just tired.” Danny kisses her forehead. “And I hate to see it when you’re suffering.”

“Well I’m tired too. You don’t have to carry around a bowling ball strapped to your belly.”

“For the last time, Mindy, I don’t care what they do in Japan. I’m not gonna wear that pregnancy belly! So what do you want me to talk to you about?”

Mindy snuggles in as close as her swollen stomach area will allow. “I don’t know. Something from before the days when I was bearing your child. You know, the good old days, when we couldn’t stand each other. This is all your fault, Danny. If you just kept hating me, this would never have happened. Why did you kiss me?”

She had asked him that question once before. It’s still a difficult one for him to answer. 

“I never hated you and you know it. And you know how many times I wanted to kiss you before I finally did?”

“So what made you decide to finally make your move, Danny, when we were 30,000 miles in the air?”

“Feet, Mindy.”

She pulls away and looks at him strangely. “My feet, really? Geez, Danny, I thought you might have a thing for feet, but I had no idea to what level! You must be so disappointed now that they look like loaves of bread dough.”

“What? No! The airplane - it’s 30,000 feet in the air, not miles.”

“Oh whatever, same difference. Does that mean you like my bread dough feet?” 

“I love them as much as I love every other part of you. And I guess I just reached the point where I couldn’t stand not kissing you anymore. And then a lot of stuff happened and now here we are. I gotta say, Mindy, I’m pretty glad I pulled the trigger on that kiss.” Danny puts a hand on her cheek and draws her face to his, kissing her softly. 

“I guess I am too. Just…remind of that when I’m in labor, okay?”

“It’s a deal.”


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt from Tumblr: pregnant mindy is upset bc her clothes aren't fitting her anymore and danny has to talk her down/cheer her up

“Oh God, Danny, I can’t even walk twenty feet without getting exhausted. How am I going to handle this for two more months? It’s only gonna get worse.” Mindy collapses onto the couch, shopping bags in either hand.

“Min, you gotta consider the fact that you could barely walk twenty feet before you got pregnant.” Danny sits beside her and rubs her knee consolingly. 

“Hilarious, Danny. You should have seen me in the mall. I felt like I needed one of those walkers with the tennis balls. And nothing cute fit me, Danny, nothing.” She leans back and attempts to lift her feet up into Danny’s lap, but she just flails like like a turtle on its back. He grabs her calves and helps her, catching a kick to the thigh in the process. “I had to go to the maternity store! For pregnant women!”

“I think it this point you officially qualify. I’m sure you found something nice, right? Maybe some of those stretchy pants?”

“They didn’t have any yoga pants there, Danny. Wait, do you mean those ones with the panel in the front, like pregnant woman wear?” Mindy’s face is aghast, expressing her horror. 

“Yes, like pregnant women wear. It’s okay to not be stylish if it means you’re comfortable, Min. That outfit can’t feel all that good, especially in this weather.” Danny rubs her swollen feet and smiles encouragingly. 

Mindy looks down at her elaborate houndstooth vest and skirt combo. The vest is unbuttoned over a long sleeved blouse that she can’t tuck in anymore, and her skirt in unzipped in the back, held on by a rig of rubber bands that she forced Danny to construct. 

“You’re right, I guess,” she sighs. “I’m gonna put on some pajamas.”

Danny helps to to her feet and makes her a quick snack. When he comes into the bedroom, she is resting on a pile of pillows and looking at herself in the mirror. 

“My face is so puffy now, Danny, and I don’t even have any ankles, and your daughter is pummeling me from the inside all day and all night.”

Danny climbs on the bed with her, handing her the cheese and crackers and salami that she craves constantly, and cups her cheek. “You’re gorgeous,” he reassures her. It’s a regular thing these days - Mindy rattles off her list of woes and worries and he consoles her, reminding her that she’s beautiful, and their baby is healthy and not out to get her, and everything will be fine. Today is all about Mindy, but some days she worries about their daughter, some days it’s the practice, and some days she complains about the Grammys. He does his best and usually it works. 

“Maybe you should quit running around shopping and do it on the internet. And you really need to cut back on the salt. You know that’s why you get so puffy, retaining water and whatnot.” His gentle nagging brings the glint of tears to her eyes and he backs off. So far she hasn’t noticed that he’s buying her sodium free crackers. “But it’s fine, you’re fine, you’re beautiful,” he stutters hastily. “You don’t need ankles, I love you anyway, and I love our little girl.” 

Danny runs his hand over Mindy’s rounded belly. She smiles, sniffling a little, and shoves some crackers in her mouth. “Thank you, babe,” she tells him, crumbs flying. 

“Little Mary Frances Ignatius Castellano,” he murmurs, smiling to himself. Righteous indignation will always override her self pity. 

“Daniel Castellano, that is not going to be her name! Teal Beyoncé Diva Lahiri-Castellano is offended at your suggestion!” Mindy gestures to the now active baby and Danny grins - sometimes she gives as good as she gets. 

“We really do need to decide on a name one of these days.” 

Mindy groans and shifts in the bed, trying to get on her side. “We can name her after Laila Ali. She’s killing my back right now. Damn, right in the kidneys.” She finally gets comfortable and pokes Danny in the chest. “You know, we are never having sex again.”

“Oh really?” Danny grins. “Where did the pregnancy horniness go?”

“Oh, it’s still here, but I can’t take the risk. Sex did this to me.”

He pulls her close and runs his hand down her back, massaging gently. She moans and leans into him. 

“I thought you wanted a dozen little babies to run me ragged all day?” he murmurs in her ear. 

“Did I say that? I lied. I’m never doing this again. So, no more sex.”

Danny chuckles. “Do you know how many times I’ve heard that and then two years later there’s our patient all wide-eyed and excited over baby number two?”

“Not me, no way. You won’t want to have sex with me anyway, after I push this giant headed terror out of my vagina.”

“Now you know that’s not true.”

“It doesn’t matter, it’s too risky. Maybe I should let you in the back office after all…”

Danny runs his hand lower, squeezing her ass.”Really?”

Mindy slaps at his arm. “No, not really, you perv. You don’t get to have fun if I don’t,”

“Oh come on, I make sure you always have fun. Usually twice! And you don’t hear me complaining.” Danny kisses her forehead. “Don’t worry, I’m not holding you to anything you say when you’re cranky.”

“It’s all downhill from here, Danny. A life of sexless drudgery and endless diaper changes, that’s our future.”

“Eh, I think we’ll eventually potty train her.” 

Mindy burrows her face into Danny’s neck and sighs. “I guess. But still. I suppose I should enjoy these last few weeks before I’m another human’s lifelong servant.”

“Way to be positive, Min.” He hugs her tighter and she relaxes into his arms. She gets like this about once a week, but the rest of the time, she’s her normal, sunny self, excited about the drudgery and diapers. He figures as her support staff, it’s his job to get her through the rough spots. “Hey, what about Adele?”

Mindy pulls away and looks at him with worry. “What, what did you hear? Please tell me she’s still heartbroken. Her music will be ruined if she finds true love!”

“What are you talking about?”

“What are you talking about?” she repeats. 

“The name Adele. For our baby?”

“Ohhh….” Mindy rolls back and smiles. “Adele. You know what, I don’t hate it. Adele Solange Nicki Lahiri-Castellano.”

“None of those middle names,” Danny retorts. 

“Hush. I think she likes it!” She grabs his hand and puts it on her stomach so he can feel the baby moving. “She’s dancing!” 

“I think she has the hiccups.”

“Shut it, Castellano! I mean it, she likes it.”

“I like it too. We don’t have to decide yet, but…I like it. Hey, baby,” he murmurs, leaning down till his face is right at her belly. “I can’t wait to meet you. Your mommy and I have a lot of stories to tell you. Mine are true.”

Mindy bops his head lightly. “She’s no prize, buddy. She stays up late and she likes terrible food and she gives me the worst heartburn and these backaches…”

“Yeah, I wonder where she gets that?” Danny pushes the pajama top up and kisses the taut skin underneath. “Don’t listen to her, little girl. Your mommy can’t wait either. You should see the wardrobe she’s already bought you. It’s ridiculous.”

“No child of mine is going to wear off brands, Danny. You knew that going into this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I was sure it was gonna be a girl.


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr prompt from mindycray17 and four similar oneself: Their conversation after Danny finds her in the lounge and tells her "were a family"!

“Let’s go home.” 

They’ve been sitting there, not even talking, for the past ten minutes. Danny’s just been moon-eyed, gazing at her, then her belly, which is still very much flat thank you, though sure, maybe her cans are a bit bigger. And she’s happy, of course, that he’s not mad. It’s just that she still kind of is, just a little. 

She’s considered him family since they got together, maybe even before. Hell, family to Mindy might include the deli guy that always adds extra cheese to her sandwiches with a wink, and the cabbie that picked her up two days in a row in the rain. She’s pretty inclusive that way. She figures she’s got plenty of love to give, and lots of folks need love, so why not?

So yeah, it hurt to be excluded. Especially by the one person, at least until now, that she felt closest to. 

And she’s not ready to have the big conversation, the one she knows is coming, the one she really needs to have before she flies back to San Francisco. The Future. Danny might be all wistful and dreamy right now, but she’s been here before. He’ll make big sweeping proclamations, and she eats it up with a spoon, and then when she turns around he’s shrouded back in himself, worrying about letting her get too close. 

She loves him, but it’s tiring. 

And this, this isn’t something you can just backpedal on. It’s a doodle that can’t be undid. So while she could deal with his hesitancy over time before, letting him slowly accept change as she soaked into all his empty spaces, this one has a time limit. She can wait to officially live together, for him to propose - hell, at this point, she’s kind of thinking the whole marriage thing is overrated anyway - but this little time bomb in her torso is ticking away, and she can’t make their decisions based on his ambivalence. 

She wasn’t kidding when she said she’d go it alone. 

Danny’s waiting for her reply; he even stands, extending her a hand, but she just blinks and looks up at him. Here goes nothing. 

“Home? Danny, I’m really not sure what that means anymore. But I know what it’s not.” Mindy shakes her head. “It’s not with you raising your sister.”

Danny’s mouth opens and closes, like a gasping fish, and he sits back down. “I…I know. Look, when I agreed to that, I had no idea.”

“You shouldn’t have agreed to it in the first place, Danny. Your dad…he played you. I wish you could see you don’t need his acceptance. Family isn’t just blood, and sometimes blood isn’t family.”

“I don’t need his acceptance, Mindy. It wasn’t about that. I just felt like, shit, if she needed me, I should be there, and I owe it…” Danny exhales and closes his eyes. “I don’t owe it them, do I. When the fuck did I lose the plot?”

Mindy hugs him, because damn, he’s fucked up, and she’s even more aware of that now. “Look, your dad, he’s a piece of work. But I don’t think he’s as bad a father as he thinks he is to her. He’s just a coward, and he saw an easy out in you. He’s the kind of guy who lets his fears ruin his relationships, and you, you’re not like him, remember?” She pulls back to look him in the eye. “We would never have gotten back together if you were.”

“You have more faith in me than I deserve, Min. I’m so sorry. I don’t know why I keep shutting you out, but I really did want to protect you from the craziness. I just did a bad job of it.”

“Danny, I have faith in you because you deserve it. I know you love me, even if you can be stupid about it sometimes. Yeah, you can pull some crappy moves at exactly the wrong time…but you’ve got to have faith in me, too. Even if that means making changes you might not be ready to make.” She leans in and kisses him. “And I love your crazy, are you kidding me? It’s what we most have in common.”

He lets out a long, deep breath and grabs her hands. “You want to do this thing in San Francisco? Really?”

Mindy nods, her shoulders moving in a half shrug. “I think so, yeah.”

“Okay. If that’s what you want, I’m in. I don’t know what the hell it’s gonna do to the practice, and I don’t even want to think about what my mother is gonna say, but I can’t…I won’t let you do this alone, even for a little while.” 

She rests her head on his shoulder and his hand finds her stomach again. “I know.”


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr prompt from Gloriagilbertpatch: Mindy didn't get gum in her hair, and Danny met her as Andy, in his Bradley Cooper suit, at the top of the Emperor's State Building. How does it go?

“Miss? Did you lose something?”

There’s concern on the face of the security guard who’s been watching the young-ish woman in the oddly mismatched outfit wander the entire viewing platform. 

“No, I’m looking for someone.” Her eyes light up and dart past him, then her face falls. “You haven’t seen a tall, blonde fellow up here by himself, have you? I keep feeling like I’m just missing him, but if I’m afraid if I stay in one place, we might never meet up.” 

“Sorry, miss. I hope you find what you’re looking for.” The guard watches her stride off, shaking his head. “Everyone wants to be Meg Ryan…” he mutters. 

—

_its really cold and i think it’s going to rain and he’s not here_

_its not even a blind date peter how could he bug out on me_

**did you wear that ridic outfit or the sexy one**

**cuz it don’t matter how pretty the poetry he writes is he still wants to tap that**

_this is sexy u dummy its supposed to represent my quirky free spirit_

**well srsly he just wants u free of undies**

_why do I even talk to u_

—

Five more minutes. She’ll wait five more minutes. She was early anyway, and maybe he got delayed by traffic. Maybe he got hit by a cab. 

Mindy checks her email for the fiftieth time. There’s just a Groupon for Italian food, and not a word from Andy. 

“Whatever, universe. Maybe I’ll meet the man of my dreams at Buca do Beppo,” she sighs out loud, stuffing her phone back in her purse. 

“That’s not real Italian food. It’s a scam perpetrated on the tastebuds of America, is what that is. And don’t get me started on Olive Garden.” 

She whirls around at the gravelly sound of complaining. 

“Danny? What are you doing here. And why are you dressed like you’re at your own funeral?” 

He half smiles. “I might be.”

“What’s going on? Did Peter tell you I was stood up? Look, I don’t need you to rescue me, Danny.”

“I’m not here for that. And you weren’t stood up.” Danny tugs at the collar of his shirt as though it’s strangling him. 

“Oh really? So tell me, where’s Andy? I’m pretty sure he’s not hiding behind you.” Mindy is done. She crosses her arms as tiny droplets of rain start to pelt the viewing platform. 

“No, Min. Look… I gotta tell you something.”

“I’m freezing. Tell me in there.” She starts to head inside, but Danny grabs her arm. 

“Wait. Mindy. Andy is here.”

The rain is falling a little harder, darkening his suit where it’s hitting him, gathering in his hair and glinting the reflections of the lights. Mindy looks around again and wipes the rain out of her eyes. It’s mostly rain. 

“Danny, I don’t know what game you’re playing, but I don’t want to catch pneumonia to find out.”

“It’s me.”

She narrows her eyes. “What? What’s you?”

Danny tugs on her arm and pulls her under the overhang so they aren’t directly in the path of the rain. They’re the only ones left on the platform as far as she can tell. 

“I’m… I’m Andy.”

Mindy stares at him. Nothing makes sense. 

“All those emails, it was me,” he continues. “I just wanted to be able to talk to you again, Mindy.”

“So who was on the train?” 

“What? I don’t know, some guy… I just made him up.”

She shakes her head. “But the ad in the newspaper…”

“That was me too. It’s always just been me.”

“No. Why would you do this, Danny? Is it just a big joke to you?” Her face crumples and she pulls away. Danny reaches for her, grasping her arms, trying to pull her close. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know what to do. I made a mistake, Min. I realized it the minute I walked away from you. I love you, Mindy.”

“I don’t believe you,” she hisses. “Why would you pretend to be someone else, to make me break up with Charlie, to trick me and make me feel so foolish? That’s not love, Danny. That’s… That’s manipulation. Let go of me.”

She wrestles herself out of his grasp and storms away. 

—

_peter did u know_

**know what**

_it was danny the whole thing was fake_

**what the tits**

**how do u know**

_he came here_

_in a suit_

_he put on a suit and met me at the top of the esb and told me he loves me_

**awwww**

_stfu pete what do u mean awww u better mean awww what a dick_

**what u didn’t get all damp in the drawers for his big romantic gesture**

_how is that romantic he defrauded me_

**ha I forgot u were a lawyer**

**listen u big dummy u r the one always playing the rom com chick flick yer bean card**

**dude loves u and thought u would wanna be the star of ur own dumb romance movie**

**what did u do leave him out in the rain**

_shit_

_i thought he was just messing with my head again_

**hey u should like run back to him and kiss him in the rain like your stupid four funerals movie**

—

“This is nothing like my grandmother’s recipe. Is this even chicken? Macaroni noodles?”

“Look, I did the best I could on short notice. I don’t make it a habit to nurse snotty Italian men back to health. Next time, maybe you check the weather report, okay, ‘Andy’?”

“There’s not gonna be a next time. Besides, we Castellanos, we never get sick.” 

“You can never say that again.”


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt from Tumblr: mindy and Danny awkwardly and heartbroken trying to navigate work after bathroom fight in Danny and Mindy

His hand pauses on the cold metal of the bathroom door. Like ripping off a bandaid, Danny needs to just walk out there, pretend that he didn’t just bare his soul within earshot of the entire office, pretend that the love of his life hadn’t just kicked him in the balls, figuratively at least. It would have hurt less for her to have done it literally. 

He grits his teeth and strides out, not meeting the eyes of the curious staff, heading straight to his office and closing his door quietly. There’s been enough slamming for one day. Danny stares at his desk, which is tiny as a pin, as per usual. He swears the entire office has taken a vow of silence - there’s no music, which usually comes from Mindy’s office, no chatter, not even the sounds of normal office work. They’re all probably whispering, piecing things together, all the things he hadn’t wanted, and now it’s happening and he doesn’t even have her to show for it. 

Danny has no appointments, no paperwork, nothing to occupy his mind. It was the perfect morning to be lazy, to play hooky for a little while, which but for the appearance of that poor innocent pawn would have been happening right then. He can’t help but picture what could have been. The past few weeks had been a turning point with Mindy - she was relaxed and comfortable with him, and he couldn’t help but feel like it was just a matter of time before she wanted something more. Maybe it would have been that morning, after she finished a breakfast of pancakes, no, a Belgian waffle, full of carbs and fats, which always makes her sleepy. Maybe she would have curled into him in the diner booth and gazed up at him, her face open like a sunflower to the sky, and he would have waited for her to kiss him. And kiss him, she would have, her lips velvety soft, sticky sweet from whipped cream, stained pink from strawberries. 

A shooting pain up Danny’s wrist alerts him to the fact that he’s gripping the arms of his chair so tight they might snap off any moment. Betsy interrupts his self torment with a knock, and he tries not to be too gruff when he shouts for her to come in. She’s smiling wanly, some ambivalence in her eyes, as she sets down the patient files for his upcoming appointments and tells him quietly that Dr. L has left for the morning. 

“Dr. C?” She hesitates at the door. “Just so you know… I still love you.”

She’s gone before he can respond, and that’s a relief, because he’s not sure what he would have said. She’s not the one he wants declarations of love from, and he’s pretty sure he’s ruined any chance of hearing it from the one who matters. There’s still a chance, a tiny grain of hope, burning in his chest, and he knows he’ll go tonight and wait to see if it happens. He told her he’d wait all night, but he knows he’s a liar. If she’s not there, if she doesn’t get there as promptly as anyone could expect of Mindy, he won’t stay. He won’t stay on the Empire State Building, he won’t stay at the practice, maybe he won’t stay in the state. Jersey is good enough for the Boss, it’s good enough for him. His chances of running into her there would be slim, so he wouldn’t have to see her on the arm of some guy who wasn’t as stupid as he was, some guy who could greet each morning with her sweet kisses, some guy whose name she’d sigh at night. This is his last chance, he knows, and it’s out of his hands. She gets to decide.


	33. Chapter 33

"Daaannnnnnnaaaaaaaayyyyy" 

Mindy's voice rings out in the otherwise silent office. "Come on, Danny, I know you're still here!"

He rounds the corner with a file in his hand and grunts a reply. 

"Help a sister out, will ya? I've got to meet my dinner date and I promised Nancy Jackson I'd call her with her test results. They're good, I swear! But she won't be reachable for a half hour, and Marco is taking me to the new Peruvian place that is hella exclusive!" She sings the last two words in a high pitch. 

"Peruvian? You're going to go eat a guinea pig? And who's Marco?"

"Don't be racist." Mindy digs into a bag of microwave popcorn, popping a handful in her mouth before continuing. "I told you about Marco. He does performance art and it's like, biting social commentary or something. He's pretty hot."

"He sounds about five minutes away from being homeless to me."

"Nah, he's a trust fund baby, we're good." 

"If you're going out to dinner, why are you eating popcorn?" Danny folds his arms and grimaces. 

"I read that it fills you up so you're not a starving hyena when you go out to eat with a smokin dude whose arms look like actual sides of beef. Danny, it's unbelievable, they're bigger than my thighs."

"Okay, stop. I don't need to hear about this, just give me the file."

Mindy jumps up and hugs him, ignoring how he flinches. "Okay, try her at the first number and if you get her voicemail, call the second one, but don't leave it as a message, she's super sensitive about this." She sticks two post-it notes on a file folder and pushes it into his hands. "I've got to put on my fuck-me pumps, cuz, you know." Her wink is exaggerated and a little vulgar. 

"Gross," he mutters, turning his attention to the file. 

"Whatever." Mindy undoes her lab coat and casually tosses it in the chair next to Danny, so he looks up from the file. 

"Holy shit."

Danny stares at her, his jaw actually slack. 

"What?" Mindy cocks her head, a little smirk twisting her lips. 

"What the hell are you wearing?"

"A dress, Danny. It's a thing women wear? It really has been a while for you." She preens, bumping a hip out and slapping her palm on the sleek fabric clinging to it. Her dress is dark and demure, aside from one particularly daring feature - a low neckline that dips far past her décolletage, ending in a V at her sternum. 

"Thats...a lot...a lot of skin."

"Spoiler alert, Danny, I actually have skin over one hundred percent of my body! Imagine that." 

"I can't..." He grabs the lab coat and holds it up against her so he can drag his eyes back up. Mindy bats it away. 

"Don't be a dork." She crosses her arms neatly under her bust, which has the "unintentional" effect of pushing her breasts up and out. 

"Jesus, Mindy, that's...that's obscene." 

"And yet you can't look away."

Danny's ears are turning red, and he does look away, scrubbing one hand over his eyes. "You're really wearing that out? In public?" His voice breaks on the last syllable. 

"You're such a prude. I could have used the tape, you stick it on either side of your boobs," she demonstrates, cupping one breast in both hands. "And then they stay like that the whole time. I just didn't want to explain in a delicate moment why I had to untape my ta-tas. The spanx are already awkward enough." Mindy grins wickedly. "So, I just have to go commando."

"Okay, enough about your...ta-tas." He's still awkwardly holding her lab coat at arms length, like the worst shield ever. He slowly lowers it and lays it over the back of the chair, moving robotically. 

"Aaaaaaanyway." Mindy grabs another handful of popcorn, but not all of it makes it to her mouth. They both watch as one plump kernel slips loose from her grasp, and with one little bounce, lands neatly at the apex of her neckline, if one can still call it that when it's actually at her upper torso. She looks back up. 

Danny does not. 

It's like he's hypnotized, as the little nugget nestles happily, snug against the smooth expanse of exposed skin just underneath Mindy's cleavage. 

It's a good fifteen seconds before he finally looks up, and his eyes are unfocused. 

"You wanna get that for me?" She teases, her eyes lit up with mirth. Danny just blinks. 

"What? Shut up." He snaps back and snarls. 

"What are ya, chicken?"

"What are you talking about? I'm not..." He waves his hand in the general direction of Mindy's upper body and looks around the room. There's no one else in the room. Hell, there's no one else in the building. 

"Baaaaawk bawk bawk," Mindy clucks. 

"I'm not chicken! That's ridiculous, I don't need to..."

"BAKAWK!" 

"Fine!" Danny reaches tentatively for the kernel, but Mindy shrinks back and ups the stakes. 

"No hands."

He freezes, gazing at the tidbit that's taunting him. His eyes flick up, meeting hers, and he sees she's teasing him. 

Then he calls her bluff. 

Leaning forward slowly, with one glance back up to give her an out, he ducks his head down to her chest. Mindy feels the quick puff of warm breath as he exhales and then the faintest nudge of his nose between her breasts before his lips brush against her skin. She breaks out in goosebumps when those lips exert the tiniest bit of pressure and move to capture the prize, and she lets out a little surprised moan at the feeling. 

Danny stands back up, the popcorn trapped between his lips, and he looks her square in the eye as his tongue darts out to pull it into his mouth and dispatch it with a crunch. Mindy's eyes dart across his face and she licks her lips reflexively. 

"I can't believe you actually did that," she says, voice barely above a whisper. 

"Neither can I."

They're almost nose to nose, staring each other down, and Mindy is just about to step back when one of Danny's arms shoots out and wraps around her waist, pulling her against him.   
She has no time to protest, because he's pressing his lips firmly against hers. Her mouth can't help but open, and her arms can't help but wrap around his neck. 

Danny has one hand in her hair and the other cupping her ass when they part, breath coming in short pants, and he's eyeing her chest like he's gauging just what it would take to get that dress off of her when she speaks. 

"Took you long enough."

He's not really paying attention. "What?"

"Nothing." She tugs a fistful of his hair to guide him back to her mouth. 

"Hey...what about Marco?" Danny mumbles as her lips sear a path down his jaw.

"Who's that?" 

"Your hot date, the rich kid with the muscles." 

Mindy laughs throatily. "What, you thought he was real? Come on."

"Wait, wait," Danny grasps her shoulders and holds her at arm's length. "So there's no hot date? Who were you wearing this getup for, then?"

"Seriously, Danny?" She shakes her head. "If this didn't work, I was going to give up."

"Me? You wore this for me?"

"You play your cards right, I might even not wear it for you." She winks and grabs his lapels to pull him back in.


	34. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drabble prompt: Cliff never gets the letter.

He checked his phone one last time before bed. For all his bluster and bravado, Cliff was actually quite needy, and after he heard that he had, in fact, jumped to the wrong conclusion when he broke up with Mindy, his heart just about broke. He so hoped that she would forgive him, but she hadn’t answered when he called, hadn’t responded to his texts. Obviously, she had written him off for good.

The toothpaste was bitter on his tongue as he dragged the bristles across it. His mind flashed to Mindy’s tongue on his, always tasting sweet, always so eager. And that tongue elsewhere - even places he hadn’t expected it to go, but wow, did he like it. He’d miss that almost as much as he missed her bright smile, the smell of her perfume, the lilt of her laugh. Eh, he wouldn’t miss the way she could simultaneously burp and fart, or the way she relentlessly vowed revenge on the cleaning woman who threw away her idea for a screenplay. Sure, it was written on the back of a collection notice that she had left laying across the garbage can for safety, but it should obviously have been seen as not-trash.

Cliff splashed cold water on his face and sighed. The rough terrycloth of his hand towel left his sensitive skin stinging, and he recalled the time Mindy begged to let her spank him. He was okay with her hand, because it was tiny and delicate and she didn’t have much strength, but he couldn’t sit well for days after she lobbed the Manhattan yellow pages at his bare ass when he mocked her birdlike smacking. She was never one for a happy medium, his Mindy. Oh, but she wasn’t his anymore, he bemoaned, and a single tear trickled down his cheek as sped up the movements of his fist and ejaculated all over his beige pajama top.

The dulcet tones of Jewel played on a loop as he cried himself to sleep.

Meanwhile, across town, Danny had Mindy bent over the back of her couch as she muffled her moans in a pillow and thanked the giant elephant in the sky that she had accidentally hit “delete” instead of send on that email to stupid Cliff.


	35. Chapter 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr prompt: Danny’s jealous when Casey comes back, placed between Be Cool and Danny And Mindy.

He knew they were almost back to where they were before when Mindy breezed into his office without knocking. Danny smiled and then caught himself, forcing a frown when she plopped down and leaned across his desk.

“You will not believe who just called me!”

He waited, while her eyes sparkled extra brightly, and he couldn’t tear his away even as his heart started to race. She captivated him, dammit, and now that she was out of reach, it was like a punishment for his stupidity.

She rolled her eyes. “Are you not even going to try to guess?”

“You didn’t ask me to guess.” He tapped his pen against his desk blotter nervously.

“Casey! Casey called me. He’s thinking of moving back to Manhattan to start franchising his store, so he’s back in town.”

He couldn’t figure out why this would excite her so much. Casey was a non-issue; she dumped him ages ago.

“I don’t know, Danny. This seems big. I mean, I’m the first person he called. I feel like that’s a sign.”

Something about the way she said that chilled him. She was always looking for magic where there was nothing, but maybe this time she was right. Maybe she had never really gotten over him, and that’s why she wouldn’t give him another chance.

“A sign of what? That he still can’t settle down?”

Mindy pursed her lips. “I never thought of that… No, I mean, maybe it means we should try again.”

Shit.

“You and Casey?”

Something flashed across her face, making her look extra vulnerable. “Yes, of course, who else would I mean?”

Danny shook his head. “Min, that sounds like bad news…”

“I broke up with him, Danny. We were going to get married. He wanted me.”

He didn’t miss the point. It stabbed him repeatedly in the chest.

Mindy stood up and her hands were trembling. Danny wanted nothing more than to leap up and hold her, kiss her, whisper that he made a terrible mistake, that he did want her, had never stopped wanting her, but he was frozen in place. He knew she would react badly, and he cursed himself for once again missing the window, but he had been trying to slowly bring her back into his life in hopes she would decide on him.

Instead, she was going to go backwards to the man-child who, even with all his flaws, had never failed her the way Danny had.

“Never mind. I don’t even know if he’s single. Listen, let’s postpone that lunch thing today, okay? I have some stuff I need to catch up on.”

And with that, she turned and fled.


	36. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr prompt: Peter walking in on Danny staring at Mindy’s earrings.

“What are you doing, man? Are you crying?”

Danny looked up in a panic, shoving the box back in his drawer and pawing at his eyes.

“What, no, I just, allergies. Why don’t you ever knock, Pete?”

“I knocked, dude. I knocked and yelled and even asked if you were naked when I stuck my head in. Not that I want to see you naked. Unless you wanted… never mind. You were like in a fugue state, staring at that box.”

“Mind your own business, okay? What do you want?”

“Well, I wanted to see if you were down to go drinking with me and the Pubester, but now I want to know what’s in the box, man? What’s in the fucking box?”

“Nothing, it’s nothing.”

Peter nodded, looking over Danny’s shoulder at the window behind him. “What the hello kitty is that?”

As Danny turned, Peter darted in and grabbed the box, scurrying to the other side of the desk.

“Pete, don’t! Come on, man, it’s private.”

“I won’t tell a soul… hey now, what are these?” He holds up a pair of earrings and grins. “You have a matching necklace too, Danny? Or should I call you Danielle?” He shakes his head. “I don’t know, you’ve got the eyelashes of a woman, but that enormous Adam’s apple is gonna give you away…”

Danny snatched the jewelry from Peter’s hand and made an unsuccessful grab at the box. Peter went through it and, finding nothing else of interest, handed it back.

“No, seriously, those are Mindy’s, right? Damn, bro, you’re still a hot mess over her. Sucks.”

Danny sat back down, tucking the box securely away. “Don’t tell her, okay? I’m gonna give them back.”

“Of course you are, you obsessive little stalker.”

Peter flopped down in a chair and threw his legs up on the desk. “So what brought on this trip down memory pain, anyway?”

“Nothing,” Danny spat through gritted teeth, laying his head in his hands. “Casey’s come back, and Mindy thinks they’re going to reunite. They’re soulmates or some bullshit like that. I mean, I don’t care…”

“Clearly!” Peter hooted. “Dude, that’s old news. He blew back into town with a Laker girl on his arm. Mindy and I had dinner with them last night, and you know what she told me? I shouldn’t even tell you this, but you’re depressing me. She said she couldn’t believe it but she had no feelings at all for him, and get this - she said ‘I never should have mentioned him to Danny.’”

Danny lifted his head. “Really? She doesn’t love him?”

“She wasn’t even jealous of his girlfriend and hell, I was jealous. She was an LA 11, man, her fakies were out to here!” Peter made a crude gesture at arms length from his chest. “Dude, I think she still loves you, she’s just scared of getting hurt. No idea why!” He rolled his eyes dramatically.

“Okay. Okay… But I… Shit, Pete, thanks.”

“Dude, man up already. You love her, she loves you, get your acts together already. I can’t take another day of watching you two play cat and mouse. I’d rather watch you play hide the salami.”

“Goodbye, Pete.”

“Seriously, though…”

“Okay, enough.”


	37. Chapter 37

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr prompt: Mindy and Danny try to have sex on the beach.

“Danny.”

He shifts from his almost sleep haze and turns his head toward Mindy, opening one eye, and grunts acknowledgement. It’s getting chilly as the sun makes its descent, and they should be leaving. He thinks he’s gotten a little sunburned even with his SPF 100 sunscreen.

“Let’s do it.” She’s leering at him over the top of her ridiculous palm tree shaped sunglasses and he doesn’t know why but something about her in ludicrous eyewear always does it for him.

“Are you kidding? There’s a lifeguard station right over there.”

“We can just pull the blanket over us, like this.”

Mindy grabs her side and proceeds to burrito herself as she rolls on top of him. She throws a leg on either side of Danny’s thighs and yeah, okay.

“The tide is coming in, Min,” he murmurs between kisses, and she’s the one grunting now, refusing to take her mouth from his jaw where she’s probably going to give him another hickey, on the soft underside where his stubble is less dense.

He slips one hand down the bottom of her swimsuit and sinks his fingers into her yielding flesh, bringing her flush against him, and he makes tiny movements of his hips that push against her just right.

Mindy gasps, bracing her hands on either side of his head.

“Are you sure…” His voice trails off as she attacks his mouth again, sloppy and hot, grinding against his length, and it’s only borderline illegal still. He pulls away to scope out the area; the beach is nearly cleared out in either direction as dusk rapidly approaches. He’s debating the pros and cons of access points when Mindy makes the decision for him, shoving his waistband low enough to wrap her fingers around him. He pushes her swimsuit to the side and she’s sinking down on him and it’s glorious, even with a non-zero amount of sand involved making things a little less smooth than ideal.

Mindy is doing most of the moving, with his hands on her ass to guide her, and the sounds they’re making are barely loud enough to hear over the tide, which seems to have increased in volume somehow. It’s just the blood rushing in his ears, Danny thinks, when he feels a cold splash at his toes. He just curls them and brings his feet up slightly, rocking into her, and she’s moving faster, abandoning discretion as her orgasm rushes over her. She’s clenching and sighing and he feels the rush as he comes none too soon, as the next wave splashes over their joined hips and it’s freezing. 

They leap to their feet and run, Danny tucking as he goes, laughing and shrieking, and there’s another thing off his bucket list, and probably an infection to boot. What do the kids say, you only live once? He thinks that’s a lie, because he’s lived so many more times through Mindy.


	38. Chapter 38

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr prompt: Danny and Mindy babysit Riley or Henry. Shenanigans ensue.

“Seriously, again? What do they feed this animal, nothing but prunes and beans? All he does is poop and fart when he’s not pooping. I can’t.”

“Mindy, you’re going to need to learn how to change a diaper eventually.” Danny wrinkles his nose slightly as he undoes the velcro and slips the soiled garment from under baby Henry. “And he’s a baby, don’t call him an animal. Though I do wonder about his diet…”

She pouts and rests her hands on her swollen stomach. “No, I won’t. Celebrities hire nannies to do the unpleasant stuff, like diapers and potty training and play dates. Do you think the Kardashian girls get baby poop in those expensive manicures? I think not.”

While she’s ranting, Danny is expertly changing the baby that Peter dropped off earlier, shouting “parenting practice yo!” as he thrust the tyke into his arms.

“Well, you’re not a celebrity, and unless you have a hidden trust fund, you can’t afford it. Besides, I’m not having some stranger raise our child.”

“So, are you gonna do it then, Mr. Mom?”

“No, WE are going to do it.” Danny lifted the freshly clean youngster and slung him over one hip. “We’ve already discussed this. There’s childcare at the hospital, and we can get a reliable sitter for the times when that doesn’t work. And you,” he declares, plopping Henry on the couch next to her so he can take out the garbage. “Are changing him next time.”

Mindy stares at the baby, who stares back at her in fascination, reaching forward to snatch her glasses off. She’s suddenly overwhelmed by this little miniature human.

“Danny, I’m not sure I can do this.”

“It’s just a little poop, come on.”

“Not the poop.” She looks at him, her eyes full of worry. “The whole raising a kid thing. It’s… It’s terrifying. We have to teach him so much, and what if we mess it up? And there’s so much ugliness in the world. How do we keep him safe? It’s so much responsibility, Danny.”

“Hey. Stop.” Danny sits next to her, wrapping one arm around her shoulder, the other resting across her belly. “It’s gonna be fine. We might mess up, sure, but you know what? This baby is the luckiest baby ever, because he is loved. I know it sounds cliche, but love is all you need. Mindy, you even love me when I least deserve it.”

“That’s true. It just seems like the biggest thing in the world.”

“Well, it kind of is. But you’ve mastered everything you’ve set out to do, Min. This should be a piece of cake.”

“Mmmm, cake. I want cake now, Danny, with real frosting, not that whipped cream crap.” She sighs and leans against him, watching Henry chew on her glasses. “Danny, is he farting again, or…”

“No, that one was me.”


End file.
